Thursday, June 04, 2009

The Ladies: pt.7 The Demon

16 years of love, hate, and heartbreak.
I met my Demon through her sister Eggy. At first that's all she was, just the little sister to a girl I had a crush on. But as years passed, and Eggy had a boyfriend, I started spending more and more time hanging out with Demon.
I think I first realized I had feelings for her when she left to live in the south for a year and I found myself missing her a lot more than I should have. When she got back we spent a lot of time together. She went to collage, to hair school, and I would spend weekends with her. Finally, after driving my friends nuts about her, I worked up the courage to ask her out.
She said no and stopped talking to me then.
Almost two years went by. Then one day I went to visit Eggy (who I stayed friends with) and there was the Demon. She acted like nothing had ever happened, and so I let it all drop. We quickly got back into our friendship, hanging out almost ever day. This went on for about a year. Then she started flirting with me. I told her, straight out, that I still had feelings for her so not to joke around. She kept flirting. I kept letting it slid, I'd flirt back but did my best not to take it too serious. Then one night she kissed me. Well, that did it, and so I asked her out again.
She said no and left my life again. (She actually told me that she "dated a**holes cause that's how she was used to being treated and that I made her feel special and she didn't know how to handle it" her exact words. I didn't then, and still don't know what I was supposed to say to that.).
After 4 years she showed back up. The first night I saw her she told me she loved me and had for a long time but didn't know how to deal with it. So after all this time we started to date. I still remember the first time we made love, I was so nervous, after all the years of wanting her I just couldn't believe it was happening, that it took me a while to 'get it up' (and despite all the jokes that can be made, it was the only time in my life that had or has ever happened). Needless to say the nervousness didn't last and we went at it like rabbits while we were together.
Then one night after about 2 months she called me up after being out at a bar and broke up with me.
That was several years ago. Last I heard she got pregnant by a guy she met at a bar and married him and they now live in a town nearby me (that I fortunately never go to).
I have let her come and go in my life, and allowed her to break my heart several times. I never treated her bad, never made a fuss about how things turned out. I learned a long time ago that she had been abused when she was little, and she had a very hard time dealing with relationships. I always gave her the freedom to just be herself, and always did my best to make her feel special. I have no regrets about her, and hope that she has found the happiness that I couldn't give her. When we were together she was my Angel. When we were apart she was my Demon. Even now I wish that she knows that I will always consider her my friend and be here if she needs me. I no longer have the desire to be with her, a feeling that haunted me for many years and through many of my other relationships, but I also know that we made great friends and had a lot of fun together (she once said that I was the only person who could make her smile because she was happy and not just fake it to fit in with the people around her). I miss that. I miss her. But life moves on....

2 Voices In The Darkness:

Blogger Ĵōÿ Screams...

Its obvious just from this small story that she had some issues that you could have never made any better. I know it doesnt make it hurt any less when you consider it, but in the long run, Im sure the hurt is minimal considering what it could have been

2:48 PM  
Blogger Azathoth100 Screams...

Yea, but I still miss her as a friend. 16 years of good times is hard to let go, and I have a tendency that once I love someone I always love them no matter how bad things go. I'm such a sucker...

1:20 AM  

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