Without a paddle, but still afloat and fighting upstream

Too many thoughts in my head, life throwing things at me far too fast. Don't know how to cope. Trying to be there for so many people, I love them all and want to be someone they can turn to in need. Others try telling me that I can't do it all, that it's too much, but I believe in my ability to be strong enough for those I love. I will not fail them. I may not be able to be everything to everyone, but I can and will be ME! Life may yet beat me, but it will learn that I'm a damn stubborn old bastard who will not break easily. When all is said and done life will know it was in one hell of a fight. They say no one gets out of life alive, well maybe not but life will remember me once I'm gone, by the scars I leave if by no way else. My Mom has cancer, I have several good friends going through a living hell, I may be losing my job and almost broke due to bills, my body may be slowly falling apart, but my will is stronger than this and I will not fall till I'm ready to. I have always said that I don't know how to be strong for myself, but I will never fail if someone needs my strength. I miss those who are gone, I cry for those who are lost, and someday I will be amoungst them. But I am not dead yet. There is good in this world, hard as it is to find. There are smiles out there, hidden though they may be. In the end I will be judged by the company I keep, for they are the reason I live. My friends, my family, my loves, these are the things that I fight to protect and take care of. Even those who have left me will remember me as a good part of thier lives. All those I have touched will know that I did my best to make thier world a better place, even if I failed I still tried.

To my old friend JA, who I have not seen in 15 years, the motto still stands: We will save them all or die trying. Wherever you are old friend, the dream has not been forgotten.