A Few Quotes from Pratchett

There was a thoughtful pause in the conversation as the assembled Brethren mentally divided the universe into the deserving and the undeserving, and put themselves on the appropriate side.
-- The Elucidated Brethren see the light (Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!)

People who are rather more than six feet tall and nearly as broad across the shoulders often have uneventful journeys. People jump out at them from behind rocks then say things like, "Oh. Sorry. I thought you were someone else."
-- Carrot travels to Ankh-Morpork (Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!)

They both savoured the strange warm glow of being much more ignorant than ordinary people, who were only ignorant of ordinary things.
-- Discworld scientists at work (Terry Pratchett, Equal Rites)

It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.
-- (Terry Pratchett, Jingo)

'It is always useful to face an enemy who is prepared to die for his country,' he read. 'This means that both you and he have exactly the same aim in mind.'[p. 207, from "Veni, Vidi, Vici" by general Tacticus]

Nature, in fact, abhors a lot of things, including vacuums, ships called the "Marie Celeste", and the chuck keys for electric drills.
-- (Terry Pratchett, Pyramids)

Of course, it is very important to be sober when you take an exam. Many worthwhile careers in the street-cleansing, fruit-picking and subway-guitar-playing industries have been founded on a lack of understanding of this simple fact.
-- (Terry Pratchett, Moving Pictures)

There are hardly any excesses of the most crazed psychopath that cannot easily be duplicated by a normal kindly family man who just comes in to work every day and has a job to do.
-- (Terry Pratchett, Small Gods)

The question seldom addressed is where Medusa had snakes. Underarm hair is an even more embarassing problem when it keeps biting the top of the deodorant bottle.
-- (Terry Pratchett, Soul Music)

The class was learning about some revolt in which some peasants had wanted to stop being peasants and, since the nobles had won, had stopped being peasants really quickly.
-- (Terry Pratchett, Soul Music)

People who didn't need people needed people around to know that they were the kind of people who didn't need people.
-- (Terry Pratchett, Maskerade)

Just because someone's a member of an ethnic minority doesn't mean they're not a nasty small-minded little jerk [...]"
-- (Terry Pratchett, Feet of Clay)

The truth may be out there, but lies are inside your head.
-- (Terry Pratchett, Hogfather

"Give a man a fire and he's warm for a day, but set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life."
-- (Terry Pratchett, Jingo)