Thursday, June 16, 2005

Mr. Sandman (Memories and stuff)

WARNING: The following post contains sexual material. If you are under 18 or are easily offended then please skip this post.

I spent 3 years of my life dating Isis. We are still friends to this day, almost 9 years later. To this day I can still make her crack up by bringing this story up.
We had a very energy filled sex life. Since she had her own house and Ant spent the days in school we had a lot of fun together. Alot of it was very intense, and because of this Isis thought that while I had a great sense of humor, I took lovemaking very seriously. Was she wrong about that.
We had spent the morning teasing each other and getting ourselves all rieled up. Once we were alone we ran to the bedroom and got underway. After a short period of foreplay (Normally we took our time but we had been flirting too much earlier and wanted to get down to business) I got out the condom. (Yes, I am a believer in condoms. They may be uncomfortable and annoying, but I DON'T want kids so they were a necessity for me. I am less concerned about disease, ever girl I've ever made love to has been a friend of mine first so by the time we get to this point I trust them enough to believe they would tell me if there was any chance. There has only been one girlfriend who I didn't use them with.)
Well, the condom (that she had picked up from planned parenthood, instead of us buying them like we normally did) was too small. It broke as I was putting it on. A little annoyed I went to pull it off. Now there is a reason these are called rubbers, and due to that reason instead of it pulling off as I had intended it streached. In fact with the base of it firmly on me the broken end I was pulling on streached up as far as my arm extended.
Isis was shocked, her face blushed a bright red (Not an easy feat when you consider she's Jamacian.) and she was sure I was going to get mad or embaressed. Instead I looked at her and then began strumming the streached condom as if it were a guitar string and began singing Mr. Sandman:
"Doom Doom Doom
Doom
Doom Doom Doom
Doom
Doom Doom Doom Doom Doom
Mr. Sandman
Bring me a dream"
Needless to say, Isis just managed to make it to the bathroom toilet before pissing herself in histerics. Yes the moment of lovemaking was shot, but we didn't stop laughing for hours. To this day she can't keep a stright face when it comes on the radio. No one else knows why she laughs at it (especially not her hubby). I used to have great fun starting to sing it at random when we were out places or with her family, just to make her blush.
I've always said, if you can't laugh at yourself you shouldn't laugh at anyone else.

18 Voices In The Darkness:

Blogger SunGrooveTheory Screams...

Pwaaaahahahahahaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!! Yet another great story, Aza! I don't think *I* will ever be able to listen to that song again without cracking up!!!!

2:28 PM  
Blogger BM, The Necessary Movement Screams...

WOW!!! WHAT A COCK!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU ARE HUNG LIKE A LOG!!! Mr anaconda pants bring me some meat you should have been singing!!

Embarrassed?!?! She thought you would be embarrassed by breaking a condom with your Ginormous Shlong!?!?! Boy was she wrong!!!! Impressed is the word that should come to mind!!!!

2:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous Screams...

bm's comment was hilarious. i know exactly what you mean about those planned parenthood condoms. everytime i tried the free kind, they were always too small. (not me but the guy) what, they don't have enough funding to make condoms that fit normal dicks? they really don't want you to do it! that's a funny story!

4:45 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous Screams...

Another great post, Az. *wiping away tears from laughing*

So, what should plan on wearing for a trip to CT in June? Is it really hot and humid there?

4:50 PM  
Anonymous Da Midget Screams...

Jaded, are you coming out here just becasue you heard his schlong is big ? Or is this an already planned trip lol.....

5:45 PM  
Blogger BM, The Necessary Movement Screams...

I am gonna CUM beacuse his schlong is so long and thick! in fact he sits in my living room right now!! I just asked him if I could view his huge meet puppet and he said "NO"

8:13 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous Screams...

Babushka,
Very funny story. Even today you are good at making what should be embrassing moments funny. BM is right, what a cock!!!

10:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous Screams...

Have big schlong, JPD will travel... ;o)

8:54 AM  
Blogger BM, The Necessary Movement Screams...

hahahahahaha LMFAO @ JPD

I read that and water came shootin' out my nose!!!

10:25 AM  
Blogger Gama Screams...

LMAF to all the comments you have... I'm still LOL!!!

12:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous Screams...

i stumbled upon this morass of horseshit about a week ago. still dunno how i got here. but your blog is memserizing in its inanity.

TO YIELD TO MISFORTUNES, AND BEAR THEM WEAKLY IS MISERABLE.

BY SUCH INFIRMITY OF MIND MANY HAVE BROUGHT RUIN ON THEIR RELATIONS AND FRIENDS, SOME EVEN THEIR COUNTRY, BUT MORE ON THEMSELVES

5:17 PM  
Blogger Azathoth Screams...

Ah dear anonymous, Yet another idiot out there who has nothing better to do than waste space. I've said it before and I hate repeating myself but just for your sad self I'll do so, this is my blog and if you don't like it feel free to not come back. Aparently if you've been coming here for a week wihout enjoying it then you obviously have no life or friends or you'd find something better to do, just another example of your sad IQ. The only one who has a serious case of "INFIRMITY OF MIND" is the pathetic loser who has to try and make themselves feel better by belittleing others. Best of luck to you my sad friend, may you someday find some small shread of self worth inside your ruin of a mind that will allow you to interact normally with others.

5:40 PM  
Blogger Dorko Screams...

Aza! You da man! (Nice flame-thrower ya got there.) Hehehee. I'll be jaded for life on "Sandman" now, thank you very much, ... and just to let you know? Every time I see or hear those "rubberband man" commercials... I'll be thinking of you and PP condoms. *sighs* [ya gets what ya pays for...]LOL!

7:12 PM  
Blogger Ari Screams...

LOL!! I think that I, too, have been ruined on that song for life.

What made that particular song pop into your head at that moment???

p.s. Anonymous is just afraid he couldn't compete with your Condom Busting Powers.

9:31 PM  
Blogger She Must be Full of BS Screams...

OMG you're the best!! More like "Mr. Hungman"! Between the story itself and the comments, Mr. M and myself are on the verge of pissing ourselves laughing!

Love all you guys!*

*except that jerk. Inane? He/she's inane. *sticking out tongue*

9:41 AM  
Blogger Alekx Screams...

Holy streachy cocks batman.
You won't belive me when I tell you this but as I was reading this post was surfing the music radio channels on the satillite and GUESS What was playing

I pee'd myself
I need your help cleaning up this mess.

9:07 PM  
Blogger Purplepyramid Screams...

In the words of someone commanding..."MAKE IT SO!"

9:08 PM  
Blogger SunGrooveTheory Screams...

Aza- way to go there. I think "anon" MUST like your blog if they've been coming for a week. Maybe it's like those people who hate Howard Stern, but every morning there they are, listening to his radio show, spouting off at the mouth as if they don't realize that even if they listen and don't like him they're *Still* giving him ratings! Yeah, that's what it's like. Don't sweat him. Hey, Anon, why don't you go tell all your friends about the "insane blog" and have them check it out? ::grins::
::winks at Aza::

4:07 PM  

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