Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Rainy days and fading smiles

So I get back from vacation, it rains for 3 days staright and now Babushka is a mess because her cat is sick and we don't know how bad it may be. Life just hates that I took time off and is trying to make me pay.
One of the sad things about the cottage this year was that it's the first time I've been in my entire life without my Nanie being there. It was her cottage and even when she was not doing too good she somehow managed to get up there while I was there every year. Sitting in her old room realizing she would never sleep there again was very hard to take. Looking at the old pictures on the walls, back when everyone was happy, was hard as well. So many are gone who are up there.
It made me think about all those who are gone now. Not just dead but just gone from my life. I've always believed that somehow someway all those I loved would someday come back again if just given time. Yes people come and go, but I always hope that they know that I will always care for them. I've always done my best to keep the door open for them all, to try and make sure that goodbye is never done with hard feelings, that it is always see you later instead. To let them know that no matter how much time passes I'll always have a hug waiting for them when we see each other again.
Sitting there in her room, looking at the old pictures I realized that sometimes, no matter what the singers or writers or romantics may say, sometimes goodbye does last forever.
I'm not sure I'm happy living in a world where that sentence is true.

6 Voices In The Darkness:

Blogger Burfica Screams...

oh honey I hate that reality too. But in two cases since my mom died, where I thought goodbye was forever, because we hadn't talked or anything in 15 years or more. I was able to reconnect. Just keep the faith hun, know it all works out the way it's supposed to. I have to have faith in that, or they will admit me to that hospital with the funny white jackets. hehehehehe

2:55 AM  
Blogger The Lone Rangers Screams...

Az, your remembering them so they're never gone. And if this whole scene plays out the way it's supposed to, you end up seeing them again. People we love passing from our lives show us even more that we need to enjoy the time with others we have in our lives still.

7:31 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous Screams...

I second what Burfica & Lone Rangers say about this. I hope it is not as permanent as it seems. There are a couple of people I'd like to have the goodbye be permanent for, but ironically, it looks like those people will just keep cropping up anyway. Meanwhile, there are other people I will always miss and would love to see again. I'm doubtful that I ever will, but memories are at least something, I guess.

I hope the kitty's better soon. But you'll be there to help out, so that's going to make a big difference.

10:54 PM  
Blogger gundum_shenlong Screams...

yeah, well i recently closed that open door for someone. i'll talk to you later about it. Oh and my car is in two pieces now. Hope to talk to you soon cuz.

2:18 AM  
Blogger Libby Screams...

yup, if you remember them, they're not gone...there are plenty of people who arent remembered at all, and thats much sadder!

3:26 PM  
Blogger Ari Screams...

I was having that exact feeling earlier tonight.

12:42 AM  

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