Saturday, July 29, 2006

Awake and thinking, what a Bad combo.

3:50 am. No sleep in sight. Insomnia sucks. I'm so wasted during the day, yet once the sun comes down my mind doesn't seem to want to call it quits.
So I'm sitting here at my sisters, she's away in Canada so I'm using her house as a getaway for now, listening to the Indigo Girls remake of Tangled up in Blue, which I highly recomend to everyone. Babushka is coming to visit tom morn before she has to go to work. Some people are coming to look at the house so I can't be home tom. Still feels weird knowing that strangers are walking through my room.
Neighbors should be home tom too, so no more using thier pool. Poop.
Had a great storm tonight. Only lasted about a half anm hour, but there was thunder and lightning and the trees were whipping in the wind and the rain fell like the end of the world, apocalyptic type stuff. I just love a good storm.
Mr B. offered to have me go with him to see the Poet tonight and I turned him down. Huh? Oh , maybe I should explain. See the Poet was a friend of mine through my Bro when I was younger, around high school years. He was a good kid, very sentimental and poetic. Quiet but good in a wierd kind of way. Even after Bro left for bOregon Poet and I would get together and go for walks and talks all over Staven. We'd go down the beach during storms and sit under a golf umbrella and he'd smoke some grass and I'd drink some wiskey and we'd watch the lightning on the water.
He evntually met a girl and got a place and I'd go over for dinner sometimes. Then there was a small period when we just seemd to not be able to get together for a bit. No ones fault, juts life. Then one day I went to call and it said the phone was out of service. So I found time to go visit and well... turns out the Poet had moved and not remembered to tell me.
That was about 7 years ago.
Now it turns out Mr. B has kept in touch with him over the years and wanted me to go. Yet I just couldn't bring myslef to do it. I've always said that any friend of mine is a frined for life and no matter what happens I'll always welcome them back into my life, but this to me isn't him wanting to come back. Cauyse I've also always said that I won't force people to be friends with me, and going to see him now would feel like that to me.
Maybe I'm wrong. Who knows eh?
But it's the same reason I've never hunted down the Demon, or stopped by Heavens work, or tried to look up Biker Babe. If they miss me they know my number and they know I'll have a hug waiting for them. But I won't force them.
Ah, maybe this is all just 4am thinking. That small hour in the morning when most people are asleep, which is good because the mind starts to act in odd ways. I've always said that 4am is when the nightmares come, maybe they come even if your awake. When the shadows move in the corner of your eyes, when the wind almost sounds like it's saying words you almost recognize, when the movements of the house don't seem so random. It's a fun time to be awake, if you can just keep the mind from wandering too far.

7 Voices In The Darkness:

Blogger Libby Screams...

it must be contagious, AZA!! i was awake at 4am last night thinking the SAME THING!!

4:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous Screams...

My mind always wanders out of control when I'm the only one awake after midnight. I agree with you about not going to see the Poet. I think if you've been a good friend to people and they disappear, then it's up to them to come find you.

11:26 PM  
Blogger The Lone Rangers Screams...

Aza- One of the reason I love old New England is the wicked storms we get, gets the blood flowing and really makes you feel alive!! I do agree with you on the friend thing actually happened to me today. Ran into a nest bud from HS who moved back into the state from NYC 7 years ago, but never called me. Bumped into him at Sams club a year ago..he promised to get together I tried to follow up...nothing but I DID get an XMAS card (big whoop)...ran into him again hug but same rhetoric to the T as last year...he has my number and we WERE good friends so if he chooses to use it this time be it, I'll gladly welcome him back into my life....

BTW FANTASTIC descriptive writing there at the end...really fantastic dude...

11:33 PM  
Blogger MomThatsNuts Screams...

I agree with your 4 am theory. For me its 230 though. I always seem to wake up, or get startled awake or something...anyhow. Im a poet, you didnt know it...hehehehehe thanks for stopping by,, I appriciate the support...


3:04 AM  
Blogger Lisa Screams...

I've sat here for awhile trying to think of something to say in response to your post. I've tried to justify not keeping in touch several different ways. Not only them, but me also. It's 3:16am Sunday morn, so maybe it's the hour, but.... I'll be the first to state that I don't understand the phenomenon that happens when friends physically move apart... but I know from personal experience that the distance does play a part & contacts are lost, but the people are forever imbedded in my heart and I keep them there because my experiences with them have become a part of my living and breathing. So, they are always with me. Even if it's not physically hanging around, they are part of my memories and that makes me a better person. Wither it is them not staying in contact or me not keeping in touch, they are still there. Make sense? or is it just that witching hour smack talking? LOL

3:30 AM  
Blogger Ari Screams...

That is hard, that thing where you want to have contact with someone but they don't bother, but then you figure the ball is in their court and they have your number.

All part of that imbalance of feeling thing that's been bothering me lately. How come God gives some of us an ocean of emotion to deal with all the time, and other people seem to have a Windex bottle and they just spray out exactly the right amount when it's needed.

3:04 PM  
Blogger Supervisor Screams...

I agree, 4:00am is the pits. Perhaps your friends that have lost touch with you think the same thing about "not wanting to force a friendship" I know I feel the same way.

It's hard, once you loose touch you can't get that same feeling back unles both people come together unforced. It rarely happens.

2:48 PM  

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