Sunday, October 01, 2006

Private life (or) Keeping things from each other

Babuashka is a wee bit upset with me right now. Not that she has ahd time to think about it much since schools keeping her busy. But the fact is that my Bro has been home for almost a month now and I still haven't taken her to see him.
We've been together for 5 years now, and while he has been home three times in that time she has yet to meet him. It's not that I don't want her too...
Or is it?
See, I'm the type that prefers when most of my friends don't know each other. Not all the people I hang with would necessarily get along too well if they met. Also I have had far too many times where freinds have gotten in an argument and I've eneded up in the middle. So as the years pass I've found it's just better if I hang with one friend at a time. Oh quite a few of my freinds know each other, I met a large amount of them in collage and so all those I met there used to hang out, at least there. But as the years past I found many of them went thier seperate ways. So now, although I can mention them to each other, they themselves haven't actually met or hung out in years.
Now Babushka is my lady, and as such she has met quite a few of these friends. While I still hang out with many of them without her, she has at least gone with me to see them once or twice. For the most part she is the type that gets along with everyone, just because she has a tendency to be very innocent and sweet.
Yet in some ways I still can't bring myself to introduce her to my Bro. Maybe it's partly because I know he can be a wee bit opinionated about things, and doens't always get on well with others. Partly because....
well maybe part of me wants to keep a small part of my world to myself.
It's not that he's my only friend she has never met. To my memory she hasn't met Boston or Guiness yet either. Also EFFXB, although thats partly because I havent seen him myself in about 5 years or so. (I feel so bad about that, but he lives half-way across CT and I just never seem to have the time or money to head out that way). Same can be said for Heaven, it's been 3 years since our last hug. Ug as well, he's up in the arctic state of Maine, so I can't exactly drive her up to meet him. I also don't think she's met Isis or the Ant yet.
Ok so maybe there are quite a few parts of my life that she hasn't been entered into. But my Bro is differant in some way. He's my oldest friend, since we were 4 years old, and a special part of my life and memories. (not that the others arn't.)
I don't know, maybe I'm just being stupid.
But I'm not sure how much longer he's staying around till he heads back to the west coast, so I'm confused about wether I should have them meet, or put it off until it's too late.
I hate decisions sometimes.

8 Voices In The Darkness:

Blogger Ari Screams...

That's funny, Aza, because I have a couple of friends who seem to want all their friends to get along, and on the occasions where that's been tried, it's gone horribly wrong. So I think your way is better.

About your bro though, I think short meetups are best. Maybe just go to dinner and don't spend a long time hanging out. That way no one has time to fuck things up much. Least I do that with my family. :)

2:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous Screams...

In a way u do have a point...
Sometimes it's just best 4 ur friends not to meet ur other friends cuz (sometimes) they may just not get along at all. And even then, when the 2 friends dun get along... It seems like they tryna seperate u from ur otha friend! WELL as to what it seems.
But even if they do end up hating each others guts, I think u should just introduce them 2 each other cuz maybe it might just be 4 da best? MuCh LuV <3

10:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous Screams...

LOL, u mad funny. But hey, noone perfetc so spellin badly is okay? =P

MuCh LuV <3

10:52 PM  
Blogger tatiana Screams...

I agree with this line of thought. I have several groups of friends, and sometimes I amembarassed to have them meet - or afraid. It all depends on the situation. But - getting right down to it - if you intend to spend the rest of your life with your lady - maybe she should meet him. Opinions and everything else aside.

9:52 AM  
Blogger BM, The Necessary Movement Screams...

hahah man your crazy! She isn't just a "Friend" She is much more then that! Plus it's not like they are going to be come the bestest of friends and want to hang out every day with each other.Then arguee and put you in the middle. I say you are being silly and taking the mixing of friends thing a bit to far!! I am all for not mixing friends! I can 100% see your point, but come on!!!

with love pal! BM

10:32 AM  
Blogger Punky Screams...

Put yourself in your lady's shoes. What she hears when you don't want to introduce her to your family or friends is "there is something wrong with me, I am not good enough" - she is not seeing it as your attempt at separating one part of your life from another a la George Constanza in Seinfeld. She sees it as an affront to her.

My advice - is introduce them. 5 years? 5 years? Dude,that isn't 5 months. That's long term and if you really don't want to intergrate her into that part of your life - there may be a more underlying issue there that you won't acknowledge.

12:21 PM  
Blogger Dorko Screams...

Oh for heaven's sake!
Introduce her.

2:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous Screams...

I might be jumping in too late here, but I'm sure it turned out fine, however you handled it.

Oh, what the heck, here's my opinion: Being a gal myself, I could see where she's coming from. Would kinda throw me off a bit too if my boyfriend was hesitant to introduce me to his family and buddies. Nagging questions would be circling inside my head, like "why?", "why?", and most importantly, "WHY?". So there.

On the other hand, I could feel your unease about the situation too, because I am like that myself--tho our reasons might be different. I hate it when friends "infiltrate" my romantic relationship (and vice versa). See, some of my so-called "friends" tend to pass little juvenile comments that could only upset me, or cause unnecessary insecurity. It's bad when friends become the third person in a relationship.

In your case, maybe it will comfort her (and you) to hear a valid explanation from you. Let her know the real reason why you don't want her to meet this and that person, etc. Perhaps you just want your own space, I don't know.

Hmm... do you even know WHY? Cuz if you can't identify the reason(s), then what would you tell her?


10:58 PM  

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