Sunday, July 25, 2004

Failing at life

Not being good enough. It's been the story of my life. I try damn hard. I really do. But time and time again I seem to come up short. I fail so often that I'm amazed whenever things go right for me. But even when things are good it's only a matter of time before I end up screwing up again. I'm just not good enough. I failed Meesha. I should have realized then that I wasn't ever going to be good enough. She haunts me in almost everything I do now. I failed school. My gudence counsler had to talk my teachers into letting me pass. I failed Jamaca. She can say what she likes, the fact is near the end she got to the point where she didn't want to get out of bed and face the day. I failed collage. I can give a thousand excuses but in the end they kicked me out due to low grade point average. I failed Marie. If I was worth it she would have been willing to stay here. I failed most of my jobs. I failed Babushka. I wasn't willing to give her the thing she wanted most in life, children. I failed miserably with the demon. Yes she's a psycho, but if I made her happy she'd still be here. But I wasn't good enough to keep her. I wasn't good enough to keep any of them. I can't get a job that will support me. Even now I face losing my job, even if it isn't entirely my fault it's still hapening. I just am never good enough. I fail again and again. Makes me wonder why I bother keep trying. Maybe my stubborness works against me sometimes. I keep hoping. I go eevn when I know it's pointless. Even though I know I'm pointless. It's like a big joke. And I'm the punchline. But still not good enough to make anyone laugh. Just not good enough.


3 Voices In The Darkness:

Blogger BM, The Necessary Movement Screams...

Life is pointless but that is what makes it so great. There are no rules, there is no way to fail and there is no way to win. “Not being good enough” is a bullshit statement. There is nothing to compare it against, but your own standards. I guess if you want to be a rich Hollywood superhero, you’re right you’re sort of off track. Thinking you failed in a relationship because you don’t want children is a ridiculous!!!!!!!!!! It’s like saying she failed you because she wanted children. See how absurd? Most relationships fail, before you find the one.

You are a great person and you succeed as a friend. You have to stop being so hard on yourself, life is a joke and it’s also the punch line,
we are the inadvertent audience. Life isn’t laughing at you; it’s not that intelligent. Have fun, relax, and stop blaming yourself for other peoples problems.

This message is brought to you with love. It may seem harsh because it is. If you can be harsh on yourself I thought I would join in.

10:01 AM  
Blogger gundum_shenlong Screams...

I agree with the movement. Life sucks. If it didn't, we'd all be happy and rich and joyful.....I forgot where i was going with this, but everyone's life sucks. Learn to enjoy it.

11:38 AM  
Blogger Purplepyramid Screams...

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12:07 PM  

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