Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Mistaken Ax's (my memories and stuff)

Ok, the only person who had an opinion on my next post was JadedPrimaDonna, so I guess I go with a story that makes me seem like a bit of a psycho. In my defense all I can say was I was young and drunk at the time.
Oh, I should introduce the players in this little drama:
Paladin- That was my nickname back then and I'll use it for this story
Ja- His dad was Jamacian, his mom African. They took a Jamacan name and an African one and put them together in a name no one could pronounce, so we just called him Ja.
Genetic Freak- My little lesbian friend who started having to have her bras custom made at the age of 15.
Minnie- One half of M&M. She was a little giggly girl, normally.
Mickey- The other half of M&M. A nice guy who unfortuantley ended up on the wrong end of this misunderstanding.
Dwayne- This was his real name. Wayne with a D put in. We never called him it. Instead we took any W or D name and just added the other letter in.
Meesha- The first girl who ever saw anything worth dating in me. She was a manic depressive who gave me my first taste of love.

Ok, we were all between 13-15 at the time. We were spending the night at Minnies house. Her parents were rich folks (her dad a retired fireman who had been injured on the job, her mom a lawyer) who would take off for the weekend so we'd all gather at her house and drink from her dad's liquor supply. We spent many weekends drunk there. This one was no differant, well until late that night.
Most of us were crashing that night downsatirs. Meesha, Genetic Freak and I on the pull out couch, Dwonald on the floor, and Ja on the loveseat. M&M were upstairs in her room. What I didn't know was that Mickey had bought her a diamond promise ring that day and decided to give it to her that night. She was so touched ( and tipsey) that she started to cry after he put it on. She also made the tactical error of deciding to come wake us up to show us while she was still crying hard. In fact when she woke me she was sobbing to hard to talk, a bad move when dealing with someone who has a tendecy to be a little overprotective of his friends.

In the dark I didn't see her trying to show me the ring, and the only thing she managed to say was "Paladin...I...Mickey...." between sobs. I woke everyone else and told them to see to her. I meanwhile, grabbed the fireman ax her dad kept above the fireplace and made my way upstairs. I couldn't figure out what Mickey had done to her to make her cry so, but I figured whatever it was was bad and it pissed me off. So ascending the stairs I slammed open the door to her room, drunk and bradishing an ax. I yelled "What the hell did you do to her!" as I stood in the door. Mickey just about sh*t himself. He shot out of the bed, not knowing what was up but with the precense of mind to get the hell away from me quick. He opened her sliding door which lead out to her balcony. The balcony was next to the lower half of the roof, which Mickey proceeded too jump across to. I wasn't done talking to him, I had no intentions of hurting him I just wanted to scare the crap out of him and find out what happened. So I followed him out onto the balcony and, while not as agile as he was, managed to clamber onto the roof.

Downstairs they had calmed Minnie down enough to find out what was up. Ja then realized I had taken her dads ax and had a good idea what my drunken reaction would be to her tears. Leaving the others he draged Dwilliam upstairs after me. When they reached there it took them but a moment to figure out we had gone to the roof. Running out on the balcony themselves they found me stalking Mickey across the roof brandishing the ax. Back downstairs the girls heard a commotion from outside and went out to investigate. They stood on the lawn and watched the drama on the roof. Ja had jumped to the rooftop, but Dwavid had slipped on his attempt and was now hanging from the drainpipe. Ja was trying to help him up while yelling at me to stop. Mickey was begging me to not hurt him, although he still didn't know why I was so pissed. The girls were yelling form below. I still don't know why none of the neighbors called the cops.
Finally Meesha yelled "Paladin I need you, help me!". I stoped imediatly and started to climb down from the roof to get to her. Always was a sucker for a woman in distress. She knew I would come if I thought she was in trouble. So with me trying to figure a way down Ja was able to pull Dwominick up and get both of them and Mickey back into the house.

When I finally got down the girls explained to me what had happened. I felt like such a horses a**. I must have appologized to Mickey for the rest of that year, at least up until everything fell apart. Minnie was mad at first but then decided it was nice knowing all she had to do was call me and I'd run to her aid. Mickey turned the whole thing into a joke, saying he was never giving her another present while I was around.

The last time I ever heard anything from M&M they were living in Alambama and were getting married. They called me after he proposed to her, close to 13 years after the sh*t hit the fan and we all lost touch, just to tell me. The last thing Mickey ever said to me was that even though it had been years and in another state he still looked over his sholder after giving her the ring to make sure nobody was coming after him with an ax. The last thing Minnie ever said was if he ever pissed her off she'd give me a call.

That was 5 years ago, and since I haven't heard from them I will assume they're doing just fine. But I still have an ax in my garage just in case....

12 Voices In The Darkness:

Blogger Quiet Screams...

Wow, that is awesome. No one has ever come to my rescue with an axe....

10:29 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous Screams...

Priceless... It took a few minutes for the line about the dad being an injured fireman and the mom being a lawyer to sink in... Heheheh. I love this story! Wish you'd be in SC when I was in the 13-15 age range. I coulda used an axe-wielding knight to save the day! =o)

11:21 AM  
Blogger BM, The Necessary Movement Screams...


11:38 AM  
Anonymous Midget Screams...

That's ok Jaded, I got an axe you can wield anytime...

I'm such a pig....

3:24 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous Screams...

what a guy.

7:48 PM  
Blogger Jay Screams...


You should have framed the axe and make it as their wedding gift! Your dork!

9:47 PM  
Blogger Burfica Screams...

Oh that is priceless I love it.

12:46 PM  
Blogger Alekx Screams...

I could probably use and AXE weilding Palidin Knight right now.

Nobody ever believes me when I say that just cuz I carry a large calibur weapon and shoot better than most men. :-)

I could still use an axe man

7:57 PM  
Blogger Gama Screams...

I'll come back to read your post, right now I have to go and sleep a little bit, my hwhole bosy is not letting me type so well. I feel sick,
Damn throat!!!

1:15 PM  
Blogger Gama Screams...

I'm back again... I have an ax too you can use it anytime lol!

4:27 PM  
Blogger SunGrooveTheory Screams...

Oh, What a Lovely story, Aza!!!! I especially like Dwarrell's names, what a fun game!

12:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous Screams...

I remember when you first told me that story, I thought oh shit. Then I thought if I ever need someone to protect me I knew who to call...the crazy ax man.

10:49 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home