Monday, April 03, 2006

Communication Breakdown (revised because of Midget)

Thanks for all the boobie offers.
Think I might be off blog for a while. Just can't think of much to say.
Hope everyone takes care of themselves till I get back.
Peace.


Ok, yeah that should have been the last you heard of me for a while. I wrote this blog earlier tonight. I meant to walk away for a while, maybe till got back on my feet and felt like I had anything worth while to say.
About 10 min. after I posted this I got my first comment. It was from Midget, and rather than giving me heck for being depressed or telling me how he was there for me he complianed about the lack of boobies being shown in response to my last post. Here's a guy who's marrying a woman who's boobs are bigger than his head and probably weigh more than he does, yet he still wants to see more boobies.
And Man, I couldn't stop laughing. I had tears rolling down my cheeks. Little bastard knows me too well.
Let me tell you a secret...you know how they say how hard depression is? They're wrong. Depression is easy. It takes no energy at all to be depressed. To sit around and feel sad and lonely and lost and like everythings coming to an end. (yeah, thats about how I'm feeling now). Thats why depressed people sleep alot, or at least sit around looking vacant, because it takes no energy. Even anger needs lots of energy, but depression is the lazy way out. I should know what I'm talking about, I've spent years being depressed off and on. It's like a pastime for me. I spend so much time trying to help people with thier problems, and sometimes all the negativity wears you down. I've come close to suicide more times than I can count. Depression is like a fall back state when you can't think of what else to do. Even if it's a medical state, there's help out there if you want it.
Being strong in the face of overwhelming odds is what is really hard. Smiling even though things are going downhill is difficult. Not giving in takes a lot of energy. Optimism is far more difficult than pessimism, no matter what the experts and goths may say.
See somewhere in me is a part of me that will only let me get so far before it sits up and tells me to just f*cking quit it. I've always considered it my own little piece of Meesha, my first girlfriend, the one who killed herself. It's a small piece of her that I carry in my heart that won't let me make the mistake she did. Sometimes it needs a little prodding. A friend, a loved one, a letter, a sunny day, a hug, a song, sex, a good book, or just a comment from a little man who shares a boobie fetish like I do.
This isn't supposed to be a blog about my life per say. Oh I'll touch on it sometimes, but it's more than just the day to day crap of a fat man who spends too much time making fun of himself. Yes things are bad right now. But I'm still me and the world can't change that. Guess it's just that stubborn streak in me. Yes the house is being sold and I don't know where I'm going. Yes I have to go through all my comics and cards and figures and nicknacks and all the stuff I've spent years collecting and either throw them out or sell them or give them away because I'm not going to have any room to store them. Yes I'm out of money and don't have enough to fill my gas tank again. Yes I've heard nothing for the jobs I've applied for yet. But to hell with it. There's stuff I can't change. But to let go of blogging, to let go of the friends I've made on here, to think that just because I'm down I have nothing left to say? Bullsh*t.

(quick tangent..have I mentioned latly that I hate the cap lock button. Nothing like writing a few lines only to realize you acidentally hit that damn button and have to redo all of it!)

Like my little Mooker said, life is ups and downs and all you can do is ride it out. I can't promise that the next while on my blog will be happy posts, but they will be there. I think the next will be my Neighborhood series, maybe it's time to post a picture of my Demon. I'd do one of boobies to stop all the shinnanigans, but all the ones I have of womens boobies I took in good faith and won't break that faith by posting them. Sorry Midget. I always figured if a women let me take a pic of her naked or topless it was a sign of trust, and I'm a pisser when it comes to trust.
So I'll spend the night commenting on blogs, and I'll do the Demon post in a day or two.
Peace.

10 Voices In The Darkness:

Anonymous Midget Screams...

Shenanigans!



I just had to say one more time.

11:53 PM  
Blogger BM, The Necessary Movement Screams...

i love you buddy!

9:01 AM  
Blogger sokmunky Screams...

You always have a home here. Also, will you be around for Easter?

S.

9:46 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous Screams...

depression is easy and its hard. hard because you can't just snap out of it at that moment. i'm just like you. i keep my darkness locked inside but from time to time the bastard breaks out when i decide i need to take a peek and see what's going on in there. you can only say its easy when your sitting there with depression. its a fucking chemical screw up in your body. how can you blame yourself? i wish that you don't stop blogging for long because over the last year and a half you have become a habit to me. check the internet. check az. come on. don't do this to us. we need you. we even need your depression because we all are attracted to your writing for a reason. maybe we are all depressed. but still don't quit forever. i'll have to always wonder about what happened to that great guy in conn. and i've only been there once. it had the worst traffic anywhere and i've been to all the huge cities...los angeles, nyc, chicago have nothing on conn traffic. so please don't go!

10:29 AM  
Blogger Burfica Screams...

i'm so glad your staying. Blog life wouldn't be the same without Aza.

Oh and just for shits and giggles, I'll show you my boobs again. hehehehehe

12:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous Screams...

"Being strong in the face of overwhelming odds is what is really hard. Smiling even though things are going downhill is difficult. Not giving in takes a lot of energy. Optimism is far more difficult than pessimism, no matter what the experts and goths may say." - Wow. That deserves boobs. *Flashes your blog*

6:35 PM  
Anonymous Midget Screams...

Don't worry about it Aza, I'm sure the job thing will eventually work itself out.
Besides, work isn't all it's cracked up to be. I'm thinking of quitting my job to do Travelocity commercials. I already have my Gnome hat picked out. Everyone needs a dream!


See you in Hollywood Bitches!

10:54 PM  
Blogger MomThatsNuts Screams...

They have renamed my boobs...they are called my KNEES now...dammit all to hell....

mom

12:12 AM  
Blogger Ari Screams...

I wish I could say I had no idea what you're talking about, what with the being down and all... but actually I understand perfectly. :) I'm glad you hasve the courage to talk about it.

12:08 AM  
Blogger neverending rainbows Screams...

I'm very glad your staying!!! I would miss your comments tremendously, mainly because your the main person who comments on my blog... Hahahaa...

So this is the Demon!!!

2:26 AM  

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