Happy New Year

Just wanted to wish you all a Happy New Year. Sorry for lack of posts and comments this week, life is busy right now. Will be back on soon. I miss you all. Peace

Late gift

So my friend J$ is visiting from San Damn Diego for the next few days. We hung out tonight, got pizza (he can't get good pizza on the west coast) and went and saw Kong (great movie, just wish they showed the monkey hit the ground). It's great seeing him again. For a little while we can get together and pretend time isn't passing us by. Had he gotten back sooner we could have gone to see John Valby in concert at Toad's Place. He's kind of a cross between Wierd Al and Andrew Dice Clay. Women get up on stage topless and dance at his shows. Actually the Demon used to do it. Dang, if I'd gone maybe I could have gotten some interesting picts for the internet (hehehe)(not that I ever would, damn concience).
Peace everyone.

Eve

The tree's lights are on, thier glow the only illumination other than this Comp. All the presents are wrapped. The new stove, fridge, and dishwasher are all put together. Elvis is singing "If I Get Home On Christmas Day". All the food for tom. is in the fridge just waiting to be cooked. I have a glass of spiked egg nog beside me. There's even a log burning in the fire place.
My family, as well as my Babushka, are comming tom. I also have to go see my Lil Sis. There'll be lots of running around and noise and stuff, but for right now the only sounds other than Elvis are my fingers on the keyboard.
I wish this moment could last.
Not everybody celebrates Christmas. I don't even celebrate it for the religious part of it. Actually it has nothing to do with christianity or cathalosism. It was an old pagan ritual that the church couldn't destroy so they just incorporated it (thats why I find it funny all those bumper stickers saying "Jesus is the reason for the season"... um no he's not). It was meant as a celebration of the fact that life and harvest was lieing beneath the snows waiting to come back in rebirth at the first sign of spring. Santa Clause and his reindeer have nothing to do with St. Nicolas, who was nice guy acording to the stories, or Jesus Christ, who was by all acounts an even nicer guy (who's main message was "love one another", which has gotten lost in the religious shuffle). It's just like most holidays the church took over. They just imprint thier stuff over the real meanings. I won't get into the real symbalism behind Kris Kringle, it's not for kids.
But for whatever reason I do so love this time of year. To me it represents family, friends and loved ones. A time to get together with those you love, and remember those who are gone or have moved out of your life. Much like most holidays for me I like it because it gives me a chance to relax with people who I know love me (except for my oldest sister) and think about all those I love. I will miss those who arn't here, but in a good way instead of how I normally do. Tom., before anyone else wakes, I'll get out my old picture album and look at the faces of those who I wish I could see. The Demon, Heaven, Cowboy, Sarge, Purple Aunt, and oh so many more. Then I'll get ready to see those that I can. I'll call those who I won't get to see in person.
In the end it's not about the presents (well, maybe about giving them to eveybody, I don't care if I get any.) or any birth or religion. It's just about loving those in your life. Appreciating the fact that you have got to have them in your life, got to know them and hold them and talk to them. Out of billions in this world, these are the people who carry pieces of your heart.
Top those of you who celebrate, for whatever reason, Merry Christmas. To those who celebrate one of the many other holidays that are going on this time of year (I love the fact that the religious right are protesting Wal-Mart for using Happy Holidays as a slogan this year instead of Merry Christmas, because of course Christmas is the only important holiday- right bible thumpers? Have fun manning those picket lines instead of helping those in need.) I wish you Happy Holidays, and to those who don't celebrate any I still wish for you to Enjoy The Season.
Thank you all for reading this blog. For being a part of my life. For being my freinds. Heres to all of you, a toast.
Peace.

small changes + things

Ok, so after we decided to get a new stove for X-mas we went out ot buy one. While there it turned out we could get the one we wanted for much cheaper than we thought, so after a quick discussion we added a new dishwasher to our purchase. It would be like a whole new kitchen in a way. It streached the funds but what the heck right? So afterwards we get home, after already paying for both, only to find the refrigerator, after 12 years of faithful service, kicked the bucket. Well so much for finances. Talk about being broke, a new stove, dishwasher, and fridge in the same week. Whew. I'm going to be working for the next year to pay this off. But now the kitchen looks almost new (If I can just get around to fixing the 2 broken cabinets). Now if only I could afford to buy food to put in it.

I have to finish my shopping on Thrusday. It sucks having to spend my last day off before the holiday in a store, but what else can I do? Too late for internet shopping. Here I thought I was going to be done early this year. I have 4 more people to buy for.

My seatbelt is broken. It seems like such a small thing but it occured to me that if an officer was to realize this I might get a ticket so I took it to a mechanic to fix it. Figured it should only take a moment or two, maybe a couple of bucks. Turns out the seatbelt mechanism is connected to the airbag system and I would have to replace the whole thing, which could cost in the hundreds. Um.... stove, fridge, washer, no money...so much for having a working seatbelt.

There saying snow for X-mas day. While I'm not sure hwo much faith I have in the weathermen, I'm keeping my fingers crossed that thier wrong. While I have no problems witha white X-mas, I really don't want to have to shovel on the holiday, nor do I want it so no one can come over for the holiday. I spent way too much time and money this year for no one to get thier gifts.

Work is getting quite stressful. Everyone's on edge because of the holidays so it's like constant bickering in the place. I missed last weekend due to being sick so my next paycheck will suck. However, it was slow today wich isn't a good sign. I so need to look for a new job, but I'm going to have to wait till the new year. Just hope I find something before they let me go. Either that or win the lotto.

Hey Midget, I'll tell Kell's you said hi, but considering what you live with I don't think you have any reason to miss anyones boobies. I miss you guys and will try and get over soon.

Also, I heard back from both Gama and Kitten. Thier both doing well. It was nice to hear from them. Wish they'd come back to blogging, but I do understand if thier lives have just gotten too much for it. Somethimes I think I should stop too, heck I only seem to post about once a week now. So many of the people who were my first blog contacts have either gone or stopped posting, or post infrequently. But I do so hate change, so I'm not ready to give it up just yet. Anyways, I ahte losing people and I've met too many good friends here to say goodbye.

I'm now on more medications than I can count. My pnumonia requires about 4 differant pills, I have a syrup for the bronchitis, and now I'm back on my pain pills and muscle relaxers for my back. Arg, I feel like a walking pharmacy.

Hope everyone's doing great and I'll try and find time to peruse your bloggs on Thursday, if I don't get lost at the stores.

Peace.

Losing memories

I was going to come on and do another one of my memories and stuff posts, but after turning on the comp, dialing up to AOL, and finally getting onto blogger, I've totaly forgotten what I was going to write about. I guess sickness and thinking don't work well together. It seems like all of the stories I can come up with would be too short to make a full post of.
Like the time UG blew us out during a D$D gaming session (Midget swore that his kitchen wall had marks on it from those explosions till the day he moved out), or getting shot at while trying to help a friend sort out his life (maybe I should have let him go pay off his debt to his drug dealer alone), or when Kells was trying to beat me at pool and tried everything to distract me- from licking my ear to flashing me to wrapping her boobs around my poolstick (only to realize everyone in the place had stopped what they were doing to stare at us), or a list of all the evil my big sister did to me growing up (85% sterile due to the baseball bat incident), or even hanging off the side of a moving boat without anyone realizing I was falling off (was sure I was going to drop and end up in the propellers). I could do the first time Heaven and I made out, it's a funny story and long, but being sick hasn't left me in the mood to do a perverted story, and lord knows that one is adults only. Maybe another day. I also don't want to do any of my Demon stroies because they would just bring me down.
Dang.
I sent out my X-mas cards finally, both the real ones and the E-mail ones. I love sending them, but I always fear I'll forget someone. If your a regular reader and you didn't get one it's probably because I don't have your e-mail address. I sent one to both Gama and Kittens old addresses, not sure if thier still working but figured it was worth a chance. Also sent one to both the Demon's family and to Heaven. I know neither of them probably want anything to do with me anymore, but I'm an optomist and hate losing friends. (yes I would love to have the Demon back in my life. But I think I'm done with the whole wanting to date her thing. I do love her very much, but I've had enough of the pain. I would love to have her back as just a friend though. At least thats what I keep telling myself).
Also, after much promting by my family, I did make a x-mas list of my own. I feel like I'm getting too much like my dad who spends every year telling everyone how he doesn't want anything. He's a pain to buy for because you just have no clue. So I sat down and wrote one, and was suprised at how much stuff I could come up with that I don't need but wouldn't mind owning. Hmmmm... maybe my subconscious is trying to tell me something.
I'm off work tom. for the 3rd day in a row. My boss told me to stay home and get better. I can't really afford to be off on the last full weekend before x-mas, especially on commision, but he's afraid of me getting everyone sick. I'm going to be so broke. But even though I don't feel well I think I'll need to go do something. 3 days at home is going to cause me to have cabin fever.
I still have some shopping to do, but don't get paid till the 22nd, so guess who'll be one of those idiots running around last min. trying to shop? I so hate people like that, and I'll hate being one of them. Thankfully I only have about 3 people left to shop for.
Tis the season to be in debt, fa la la la la, la la la la.
You know, considering I couldn't think of anything to write this turned out to be a rather long and poitnless post. Not bad eh? Sometimes I like pointless.
Peace everyone.

Another Death and thoughts on after

George died. He was a maintenance man at the mall I work at. I've known him for 6 years now. He was a cranky old fart with a sarcastic sense of humor. He had been sick with cancer for quite some time and his passing is is some ways a blessing because it wasn't going to get better. Steve (his partner and friend) came into my work today to tell me and we reminisced about George. The thing I said that stood out in my mind the most was his talking about baseball, and his love/hate relationship with the Red Sox. When I first met him he told me the story of how his father made him a Red Sox fan. He said his Dad would tell him stories about watching the Sox win the Series when he was younger. So year after year George said he would cheer them on. But year after year.... well we all know. He said he was convinced that he would die before the bums ever won the Series again. Every year they lost he got a little more bitter about the team, yet ever start of a new season he would be there cheering for them again. Then, of course, in 2004 the Sox won it. George was estatic. He told me the day after the final game that no matter what happened now he could die happy. Well he lasted another year, but at least he got to see it.

Steve then said that George was probably out there now gearing up for next season. I agreed, and that made Steve look at me wierd. He said he thought I didn't believe in God and heaven and that stuff. I said I don't but that doesn't mean I think life ends with the death of the physical body. He didn't understand how that could be.
But I told him I've seen to many wierd things to disbelive in life after death.

Do you believe in ghosts? A funny thing the other night, I was watching TV with my pops, and the Ghost Hunters came on Sci-fi channel. I love this show. My Dad however didn't. What a "load of crap" is his opinion. When I pressed him he said it was all fake, ghosts and aliens and bigfoot. He said "Show Me.". I started laughing. He asked why I was laughing and I said so you won't believe without visual proof? He said yes, so I then said so why do you go to church every Sunday for a God you've never seen? What makes him real? Well needless to say that started a huge fight, but I stand by my way of thinking.
See I have seen stuff that I just can't explain. So have quite a few people I know. So If I believe that I've seen a ghost then I have to believe in the fact of some sort of life after death. Then one implies the other.
The funny thing is I've known people who said they would love to see a ghost. But they don't quite understand what it's like. The human mind isn't conditioned to accept stuff. While I didn't have too hard a problem I've known a few friends who got really freaked out by seeing things they couldn't explain. It bothered their mins to the point where they just decided they must not have seen anything. In one case, three people who all saw the same thing but 2 of them became determined after about a few days that they must have imagined it, even though there had been three of them there. Now one of them still says he saw something and the other two laugh at him about it, when in fact they saw it too. Thats the beauty of the human mind.
So do you believe in ghosts? If so why? Have you seen anything? If so what? Or are you one of those who thinks that life is just as mundane and catogorized as science would have us believe? Me, I think George is gonna be cheering the Sox for a long time to come. He was a good man.

Ow

So on top of being sick I threw my back out again shoveling. I swear I'm going to win the lotto someday and just retire to the Bahamas and spend each night just sitting on the beach watching the sunset. I so feel helpless. Not walking sucks. But hopefully modern medicine will prove it's use and the pills I took will knock the pain back. Doesn't help I'm on for 10 hours Tom and another 10 on Sunday. Walking in dress shoes doesn't help a bad back at all.

Ok enough griping. I get so sick sometiems of feeling depressed. I think thats like one of the few things that has kept me going over the years, I'll be really down then will just get sick of it and start smiling and laughing despite life. It's whats gotten me through deaths, leavings, and the Demon.

Gonna send out my X-mas cards Tom. Since I don't have much money this year most people are going to have to deal with cards. As it is I'm putting off the phone bill till next month. I figure if they can't find the holiday spirit enough to overlook only my second late payment in 3 years then they can shut the dang thing off and maybe I can sleep past 7 in the morning without someone calling me.

I love wrapping X-mas gifts, I spend almost as much on the paper and bows as I do on the gifts. Of course I suck at it. I can make a square box look like a hexegon. Not on purpose. But at least most people don't know what my gifts are though. And they are all definatly shiny.

Hope everyone has a great weekend. Even if it is a little cold. Heck, Alekx and Burfica are showing off thier nipples, wich is a sight to see.

Also, the question for the day is: Do you like holiday music and if so which are your favorites?
Mine include:
Song For A Winter's Night -Sarah Mclaughlin and Jewel
Snoopy's Christmas - Royal Guardsmen
On A Snowy Christmas Night -Elvis
Katy's Christmas Card -John Schneider
Same Old Lang Syne -Dan Fogleberg
Something ABout Christmastime -Bryan Adams
Belleau Wood -Garth Brooks
God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen -Bare Naked Ladies and Sarah Mclaughlin
Good King Weneslas -Bing Crosby
Little Drummer Boy/Peace On Earth -Bing Crosby and David Bowie
Thats not all of them but it's a good showing. How about you?

Peace.

Thoughts of a sick mind

Still trying to recover from whatever the hell has gotten ahold of my immune system. Can't sleep due to a cough that one co-worker described as sounding like a crocodile's mating call. But that's alright, I'll live. Of course I'm way to damn stubborn to go to a doctor like I probably should. Why do things the easy way and get some medicine that would probably clear this up in a few days when I can just tough it out and save some money. (Sometimes I'm not sure if I'm being sarcastic or just stupid. probably a bit of both.)

So as I sit here at this machine my mind started wandering and here just some of the crap I came up with.

I was talking to a friend of mine who had started a blog but had finally stoped it since I was his only reader and he could just tell me stuff over the phone without having to write about it. He wondered why it is some blogs have so many readers while others just fade away into obscurity. I figure that in order to have readers you have to be a reader. When I started this it was so i ould comment on a friends blog, and at the begining it was just a few close friends who read mine. I was discovered by Joy after a few months on here. But I also go into a habit back then (that BM shared with me) of sometiems just hitting the Next Blog button on the top of the screen and seeing what else was out there. If I liked what I came across I would comment on it, and maybe even go back and comment again later. Sometimes these folks would stop by my blog to see who the heck this wierdo was just randomly commenting on thier blog. Soemtimes they stayed on. Sometimes I'd follow links from other bloggers to people they liked, sometimes someone would follow someone elses link to me. For a few people I am thier only reader, and I'm glad that they stay on despite this. I guess what I found is that blogging is a 2 way street, if you don't take the time to read others they won't take the time to read you. Not that having only one reader is bad, sometimes it's a lot more personal that way. I have met a lot of people I consider friends on this blogland, and even if they someday leave, as so many have, I'm glad I got to be a small part of thier lives for a while. And that they were a part of mine as well.

My X-mas shopping was almost done, but it seems like everytime I'm near the end I come up with someone else to buy for. I'm not mad about this, I'm just worried I won't have enough money to finish. Yes it's holiday stress, but I can live with it and it's worth it to see peoples faces when they open thier gifts. My problem is I love giving people gifts so I'm having a hard time not giving them early.

Between this sickness and holiday work I haven't got to see much of those freinds who I normally get to visit. I feel so withdrawn. Seems like all I do is get up, go to work, come home, take Ny-Quil, and go to sleep just so I can do it again tom. I hate that.

If you haven't seen the brilliance of INVADER ZIM I strongly suggest you go rent it. Yes it's a cartoon, but it's funny as hell. Everyone should get to meet GIR.

Bacon rules.

After looking around seems I'm not the only one having trouble getting time to post this season.

I miss Gama and Kitten. Shame they had to go. Hope thier doing well. If any of you have kept in contact with them via E-mail let them know I said hi.

Oh, and Joy I've found a way to download the attachment so I'll give you and update as soon as I get a chance to read it.


Well, the Ny-Quil seems to be kicking in, guess I'll go lay down and see if I can get some sleep. Hope everyone's doing good and I'll try and get back on soon.
Peace.

Sick

I hate being sick. Don't get me wrong I'm not one of those guys who get sick and suddenly act like a baby. Actually I normally just want to be left alone. I go to work (been sent home 2 days in a row because I've lost my voice and it's impossible to sell jewelry if you can't talk to people) and come home take some medicine and go to bed. I just hate not being able to breathe right. It so sucks. Top it off with the fact that we got our first sight of the hated white stuff today (snowed for about 15 min.) which caused everyone on the roads to drive like it was a blizzard (I swear every year people in CT forget how to drive in snow and act like it's completely foreign to them). Going 20mph in a 45mph zone because 3 flakes hit your window? Freakin stupid a**holes!
Hope everyone's doing good. Sorry for the spotty posts and comments but retail slaves at holiday time have no life. I'll do what I can to catch up soon. Peace.