Friday, April 28, 2006

Useless facts about Myself

I'm 6'4"
I love to read, although I'm particular about what I'll read
I drive a 2003 Hundai Elantra
I've paid $11,779.04 on my car so far
I dislike dogs
I've owned 6 cats in my life
I've had to take 4 of them to the vets to be put to sleep
I do not currently own any pets
The longest I've dated someone without interruption is 2 1/2 years
The shortest I've dated someone is 3 weeks
I have blue eyes that change hue depending on my moods
My oldest friendship is 29 years
I'm a packrat
I currently have $23.75 in my bank account
I've held 10 jobs in my lifetime
I've been to more funerals than weddings
I've been in 3 wedding party's
I'll be in another later this year
I've never been in a limo
I've seen Rocky Horror Picture Show live on 6 occasions
I've known 3 people who acted in the live Rocky Horror Picture Show
I've been to 4 Broadway Plays
I've seen the Beach Boys in concert 4 times
I have lifted the backend of a car off the ground three times in my life
I was diagnosed with an ulcer at 18
Due to symptoms they believe I first got an ulcer at 14
At last check (2 years ago) I do not have an ulcer anymore
I have 3 scars on my body
I bite my fingernails
I have a fear of large crowds
I have been in trouble with the police 6 times in my life
I have never been arrested
I have ripped my way out of a straight jacket
I own a copy of Incredible Hulk #1 valued at about $23,000
I love horror movies and books
My favorite class in collage was Philosophy Ethics
My biggest real regret is not being able to save Meesha
My biggest silly regret is not taking Heaven up on her offer to help wash my car
All my grandparents are dead
I got the name Azathoth from the works of H.P.Lovecraft, a horror writers from the 1920's
He also invented the book the Necronomicon, which my Little Sis's husband belives is a real satanic bible
I have never danced the chicken dance
I haven't been to a regular church service since 9th grade
One of my doctors once predicted I'd have my first heart attack before I was 30
I'm 33 and haven't had a heart attack yet
I've had 4 pregnancy scares in my life
I wasn't scared, although I don't really want children
I have gone cliff diving
My favorite food is homemade hamburgers
My second favorite food is cheese enchiladas
My third favorite food is garlic naan bread
I hate the cap lock button
I type using my 2 pointer fingers
I suck at spelling
I have a card signed by Millvina Dean, one of the survivors of the Titanic
I have had 7 lovers
Of them, 3 were Caucasion, 1 was Jamaican, 1 was Puerto Rican, 2 were Mulatto
I have no sexually transmitted diseases
I am a boob man
I have 3 slipped discs in my back
I have only shaved my beard off twice since I was 21
I can juggle up to 3 items
I've never watched the movie Fight Club
I've tried to kill myself twice
I've been to 6 of the 50 states
I've been out of the country in Canada
I've never been off the continent
I want to swim in Loch Ness
I have 1 sister
I have 1 half-sister
I have one friend I call my sister
I have one friend I call my brother
I have 10 1st cousins
One of thems an a**hole
I love Resse's Piesces sundeas at Freindly's
I love Tagalongs (the girl scout cookies)
I use Dove soap
I don't use drugs
I love Guiness Draught (what beer was meant to be)
I have puiblished 1 poem and 2 stories, all under the name annonymous
I keep a hand puppet spider named Boris in the back window of my car

Ok, that should be enough self crap for now. I'll be back on soon, but this weekend is going to be busy. Hope everyones doing good.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

These Are The People In My Neighborhood: J$

I first met the legendary J$ back in high school. He was good friends with my Bro and we ran into each other from time to time when I'd crash at my Bro's house, in fact we first met at my Bro's 16th B-day party. (Dang J, it's been 17 years! Where the hell did the time go?) We would spend many nights sitting up talking music, books, comics, women, and life in general. As the years passed we lost touch, mostly because he was horrible at keeping in touch (getting him to return a call was like trying to pull a wisker off a lion). But after my Bro moved to bOregon J$ and I started spending more time hanging out together. We'd get together at his place (the quinticential bachlor pad, shag rug included) and eat pizza, drink cheap wine, and watch bad movies. He worked 3 jobs, one of wich was the sound guy at the popular Toad's Place in New Haven CT. Yes he loved him his club whores. A computer guiness (compared to me) and master of all things music (especially doing recording work for bands) he became disenchanted with life on the Atlantic and decided to follow the pioneers of old times and head west. After a brief stop in Las Vegas, that neon hell in the desert, he laid his roots in sunny San Damn Diego. He now spends his weekends mastering both the waves and the babes, while during the week he works on computer for some mormons that he is slowly corupting with his heathen ways. With a great sense of humor, and a nervous streak a mile wide (sorry J) he continues to spread his legend from coast to coast. I still try and convince him to come back to the opposite side of the continent, and perhaps someday he will. But for now he's enjoying the sun, the sand, and the bikinis too much to pack up. Now if I can just keep him remembering to return my calls every once and a while....

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Space between friends

I've gotten to a point in my life where I honestly prefer when my friends don't know each other. I have a pair of close friends who hang out occasionally and now thier fighting with each other and I'm expected to be the middle man. They both want to know if I've talked to the other one and they tell me the other one is wrong and thier right and what has the other said to me. I so hate it. I keep telling them to just leave me out of it. I'm not going to stop being friends with either party, and I'm not going to tell them what each other is saying. This is why I've been glad over the years that most of my good friends don't know each other, or if they do they don't hang out with each other. It's just too much dang trouble.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Friends and the 10 year curse

We saw the world
And the world seemed smaller
We're getting wider
But not getting taller
You know we've grown up
Just a little at a time

We're sleeping late
But we're not lazy
We're getting old
But we're still crazy
I'm so glad I have these
Friends o' mine

Bowling for soup-'Friends O' Mine'

I used to believe that I had what I called a Ten Year curse on me. See after Meesha died I swore that no matter what I wouldn't be alive within 10 years of her death. Which means that if I didn't die somehow by the time I was 24 (Do the math to figure out when she died) I was going to kill myself. Now as you may be able to see, since I'm currently 33, I didn't end up going through with this. Yet for the longest time after I turned 24 it seemed like I was unable to hold onto any friend over 10 years. Other than my Bro, who I'd already known for over 10 years at that point, most of the people who were close to me would end up leaving before 10 years elapsed. Sometimes they moved, sometimes they got mad at me, sometimes they died, but always something. Part of me thought it was punishment for not keeping me promise to Meesha. Even those who swore over and over how they'd always be there and always want me in thier lives, well 10 years would come up and poof they were gone. Then others wouldn't understand why I didn't belive them when they would tell me the same thing.
Of course, it didn't last. The first to break it was my Lil Sis, who I've now known for 14 years. Of course, she almost left at the 10 year mark (her hubby almost got her to move to South Cakalakie (aka, Carolina) just as we reached the 10 year mark, go figure), but in the end stuck around just to prove me wrong ( or so she says). There have been others now (J$, Kells Bells, Isis, Boston, BS, Bm&the Hottie, Midget), although I'm not including those who did leave my life for a while but came back later (UG, Demon, EFFXB, Roe,... not that I'm putting down thier friendship, they are all still very important to me and I hope we have many years ahead of us).
I guess it's just nice to know that sometimes, despite life's crappyness, there are some folks who stick around. While things do change as the years pass (several of these people have kids, some now live far away, and some still don't talk to me that much. It sometiems seem that the time to hang out has gotten shorter, as has the list of what to do while we hang out, yet each and every time together is still special) it's nice to know that I have some people in my life that I don't have to worry abut losing like I used to. Does this mean they'll always be there? Not necessarily, but I do know that no matter what happens they will always care.
And now I have you folks here on the blog. While I know that the blog isn't as stable as we'd wish it was, I've known quite a few who have come and gone, many are listed under either my Dead But Dreaming or my Lost In The Darkness colums on the right, yet I'm glad I got the chance to know them a little, just like I'm glad for all those who are still here.
So here's a toast, to friends who stay and friends who go and all the smiles inbetween.

Saturday, April 15, 2006

These Are The People In My Neighborhood: BS

Well I finally found a nice picture of me and my little BS from the same party where the one I didn't want to post came from (in it it looks like I'm trying to stick my tongue down her cleavage). I met her back in collage and despite having to chase her down almost every time she moved without telling me, we're still friends. (Just Kidding sweetie, it was actually only every other time). Sometimes I think I have spent more time looking for her than hanging out with her, including , yelling her name loud enough that people five blocks away could hear me, calling random people with the same last name, calling every house in a three block area, and chasing one of her ex's halfway down main street. (Actually I didn't really chase him, I just yelled at him and he ran away down main street).
Her nickname for me is Fuzzy Jeff, you can see why in this picture, although I'm nowhere near as fuzzy now a days. I still remember the first time I cut my hair short, I called her up and asked her if she remembered what was wrong with fuzzy wuzzy the bear, her reply was "um.. Fuzzy Wazzy was a bear, Fuzzy Wuzzy had no.... WHAT DID YOU DO?". Heh. Maybe you just had to be there. She is very adorable and very cuddable and has a beautiful little laugh. Unfortunatly she also recently moved away, all the way to "Mile (get) High" Denver Colorado. There her and her beau have gotten engaged and hope to someday fly helicopters. Persoanlly I think it was just so I couldn't drive up and interupt her cig breaks out on her porch.
All kidding aside, she has been one of my best friends for a long time, and was a key person in helping me get over the Demon on more than on occasion, as well as helping me get un-depressed several times in life. She has a knack for getting me to smile and a hug that always make me feel happy. I miss her now that shes so far away, but I also know that no matter where she may live we will always have a place in each others lives. I hope someday she and her hunny will move back this way, or that I'll eventually have enough money to visit them. Until that day she knows my heart is with her and that her Fuzzy Jeff will always have a hug waiting back here on the east coast.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Let He Who Has Understanding Reckon The Number Of The Beast

666 = number of the Beast
665 = older brother of the Beast
660 = approximate number of the Beast
670 = rounded up number of the Beast
66600 = zip code of the Beast
1/666 = common denominator of the Beast
DCLXVI = Roman numeral of the Beast
666.0000 = Number of the High Precision Beast
0.666 = Number of the Millibeast
(-666) ^ (1/2) = Imaginary number of the Beast
6.66 e3 = Floating point Beast
1010011010 = Binary of the Beast
6, uh . . . what was that number again? = Number of the Blonde Beast
1-666 = Area code of the Beast
00666 = Zip code of the Beast's summer home
666mph = The speed limit of the Beast
$665.95 = Retail price of the Beast
$705.91 = Price of the Beast plus 6% state sales tax
$769.95 = Price of the Beast with all accessories and replacement soul
$656.66 = Walmart price of the Beast
$646.66 = Next week's Walmart Rollback price of the Beast
Phillips 666 = Gasoline of the Beast
Route 666 = Way of the Beast
666 F = Oven temperature for roast Beast
666k = Retirement plan of the Beast
666 mg = Recommended Minimum Daily Requirement of Beast
6.66 % = 5 year CD interest rate at First Beast of Hell National Bank, $666 minimum deposit.
$666/hr = Beast's lawyer's billing rate
Lotus 6-6-6 = Spreadsheet of the Beast
Word 6.66 = Word Processor of the Beast
i66686 = CPU of the Beast
665.9997856 = The Number of the Beast on a Pentium
666i = BMW of the Beast
DSM-666 (revised) = Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the Beast
1232 Octal, Apt. 29A = Beast's hexed address
668 = neighbor of the Beast
333 = The semi-Christ

I openly admit I stole this from EFFXB's site. But it was just way too funny not to swipe. When I hit 0.666 the MilliBeast I had to get up and walk around till I stoped laughing enough to keep reading. Hope you all like it as much as I do.

Monday, April 10, 2006

A break for BedSheet Kid

Sorry for the quick break in regular blogging but I need to address a specific person.

BedSheet Kid.... I still read your blog but ever since you changed the template it hasn't allowed me to comment. I write comments and hit post but nothing ever appears! Hopefully you'll stop in here and read this because it's geeting real frustrating and I noticed you've gotten to the point you think no one's reading you anymore. I am. But I can't comment. So please...PLEASE change your template or fix whatevers wromg.
Thank you.

This blog will return to it's regularily schedualed madness next post.

Sunday, April 09, 2006

Mad World- Tears For Fears

And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
it's a very very
Mad world

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

These are the people in my Neighborhood: The Demon

Normally I check with people to get thier permission to post thier pictures. This is one of the few cases where I'm not doing that.
I started this blog about 2 years ago, just after she left me again. It was part of my way of dealing with an old familiar pain. The pain caused by a woman that I would have married if she had let me.
I first met her through her older sister in high school. We became friends and stayed that way for many years. I was friends with the whole family in fact. I started developing feelings for her just after she finished school. I got up the courage to tell her about 2 years later while she was in collage. She stoped talking to me for a year. Then we were friends again. We hung out all the time. She knew how I felt but also that I was leaving it alone. Then she stated flirting with me... Alot. So after about 2 years of it I asked her again to date me. She stopped talking to me for 4 years. Then she came back and told me she loved me and always had. She said she couldn't stay with anyone because she always compared them to me. So we dated finally. She left again 3 months later. That was 2 years ago. All in all it's been 16 years now.
She had something really bad happen to her when she was little. A family type happening. Do to this she has a hard time when it comes to dealing with certain emotions. She once told me that she only dates a**holes because thats how she's used to being treated, and that I make her feel special and she doesn't know how to handle it so she runs. I still don't know how to answer that. Part of me always says that there comes a point when you have to take responsibility for your actions. You become old enough to know the differance between right and wrong and can't spend eternity blaming a bad childhood. Yet for her I always seem to make an exception.
Do I miss her? Yes.
Do I wish she'd come back? Yes
Would I be friends with her again even after all the pain? Yes
Would I date her again?.....No.
I have Babushka now and will spend my life with her if things go right.
But the Demon and I have been so close for so long that I will always have a place for her in my life. In some ways she helped me be a person that I actually liked. I was more outgoing, more prone to do more than just sit around. We would go to the movies and to bars and sometimes just where ever we felt like it. We'd spend hours in book stores. We'd go clothes shopping for her and have a blast goofing off in the stores. We'd laugh so much my jaw would hurt. Despite all the pain and how mnay times she's broken my heart all I can remember is us skipping through the ailes at Wal-Mart and having a pillow fight in bed supplies. All I can remember is us in the movie theatres with her hiding her face at the scary parts. Of teaching her how to drive at the beach. Of pouring cold water on her while she was showering and her chasing me naked through her house. Of spending three days sitting in a hospital with her while she had food poisoning. Of her cuddling up to me the first time we slept in a bed together.
I have never loved someone the way I did her. I have never been the same person in front of anyone as I was around her.
Yes I have come close to killing myself over her. Yes I have cried so much from her over the years I could write a book. Yes I have some friends who want to shoot her. Yes I have some family that want to shoot her too.
But in some way she will always be one of my best friends.
In some ways she will always be one of my Angels.
Even if she is also always my own personal Demon.

Monday, April 03, 2006

Communication Breakdown (revised because of Midget)

Thanks for all the boobie offers.
Think I might be off blog for a while. Just can't think of much to say.
Hope everyone takes care of themselves till I get back.

Ok, yeah that should have been the last you heard of me for a while. I wrote this blog earlier tonight. I meant to walk away for a while, maybe till got back on my feet and felt like I had anything worth while to say.
About 10 min. after I posted this I got my first comment. It was from Midget, and rather than giving me heck for being depressed or telling me how he was there for me he complianed about the lack of boobies being shown in response to my last post. Here's a guy who's marrying a woman who's boobs are bigger than his head and probably weigh more than he does, yet he still wants to see more boobies.
And Man, I couldn't stop laughing. I had tears rolling down my cheeks. Little bastard knows me too well.
Let me tell you a know how they say how hard depression is? They're wrong. Depression is easy. It takes no energy at all to be depressed. To sit around and feel sad and lonely and lost and like everythings coming to an end. (yeah, thats about how I'm feeling now). Thats why depressed people sleep alot, or at least sit around looking vacant, because it takes no energy. Even anger needs lots of energy, but depression is the lazy way out. I should know what I'm talking about, I've spent years being depressed off and on. It's like a pastime for me. I spend so much time trying to help people with thier problems, and sometimes all the negativity wears you down. I've come close to suicide more times than I can count. Depression is like a fall back state when you can't think of what else to do. Even if it's a medical state, there's help out there if you want it.
Being strong in the face of overwhelming odds is what is really hard. Smiling even though things are going downhill is difficult. Not giving in takes a lot of energy. Optimism is far more difficult than pessimism, no matter what the experts and goths may say.
See somewhere in me is a part of me that will only let me get so far before it sits up and tells me to just f*cking quit it. I've always considered it my own little piece of Meesha, my first girlfriend, the one who killed herself. It's a small piece of her that I carry in my heart that won't let me make the mistake she did. Sometimes it needs a little prodding. A friend, a loved one, a letter, a sunny day, a hug, a song, sex, a good book, or just a comment from a little man who shares a boobie fetish like I do.
This isn't supposed to be a blog about my life per say. Oh I'll touch on it sometimes, but it's more than just the day to day crap of a fat man who spends too much time making fun of himself. Yes things are bad right now. But I'm still me and the world can't change that. Guess it's just that stubborn streak in me. Yes the house is being sold and I don't know where I'm going. Yes I have to go through all my comics and cards and figures and nicknacks and all the stuff I've spent years collecting and either throw them out or sell them or give them away because I'm not going to have any room to store them. Yes I'm out of money and don't have enough to fill my gas tank again. Yes I've heard nothing for the jobs I've applied for yet. But to hell with it. There's stuff I can't change. But to let go of blogging, to let go of the friends I've made on here, to think that just because I'm down I have nothing left to say? Bullsh*t.

(quick tangent..have I mentioned latly that I hate the cap lock button. Nothing like writing a few lines only to realize you acidentally hit that damn button and have to redo all of it!)

Like my little Mooker said, life is ups and downs and all you can do is ride it out. I can't promise that the next while on my blog will be happy posts, but they will be there. I think the next will be my Neighborhood series, maybe it's time to post a picture of my Demon. I'd do one of boobies to stop all the shinnanigans, but all the ones I have of womens boobies I took in good faith and won't break that faith by posting them. Sorry Midget. I always figured if a women let me take a pic of her naked or topless it was a sign of trust, and I'm a pisser when it comes to trust.
So I'll spend the night commenting on blogs, and I'll do the Demon post in a day or two.