Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Music censorship

I have always been a big fan of free speech. I hated back in the day when they started comming out with the whole warning labels on music that was considered 'too strong'. But this afternoon my 9 year old nephew was making a list of songs he wanted and one of them was the rap song 'candy shop'. I'm not a big rap fan but due to a friend who is I have heard the song. It's all about what one can do with a lollipop, and I'm not talking about Shirley Temple and the good ship. What the hell! Theres no WAY I'm gonna give that song to him! What worries me is that he says several of his friends already have the song on CD. Don't parents pay any attention to what thier kids are doing anymore? I still remember the HUGE fight I had with my folks when I first bought Metallica: Garage Days Re-visited and they heard Last Caress. And I was a teenager then. Maybe I'm just getting old. But what the hell do you do? I refuse to get it for him, but what if he gets a copy from a friend? Any ideas?

Sunday, March 27, 2005


So today, as many of us celebrate the concept of man comming back from the dead (Sweet Zombie Jesus!) or the arrival of spring (Pagan glory!) or just a rabbit that wants us to be fat (Bunnys lay eggs?) I just thought I'd like to give thanks to all of those in my life who have helped to make me smile (Yeah it's not Turkey day but what the hell, no one said I needed to make sense). As for who I'd like to thank..... well actually it's all of you! Yes thats right, I've chosen the Ressurected Bunny day to say thank you to all you wonderful bloggers who have helped make this Cro-Mag feel comfortable here on this internetty thing. While some of you I knew comming into this (Static, who recently decided to stop blogging, got me started here. And BM walked with me on the path as we both learned our way around this wide open space.) Others I have had the pleasure to get to know by reading your thoughts and lives. I now have over 40 blogs that I try to keep up with (yep, takes a while to go through them all whenever I sit down at a comp). Some I met by accident by looking at the recenlty published section in the dashboard, while others I found also by accidnet by pressing the Next Blog button. Some found me somehow, and others I found through other blogs. Little by little I have watched my circle of friends on here grow. Some have left (Angry Nice Guy, Static, Ect.) While others have been here for years. I have gotten advice on my life and choices (How many of you got so sick of my talking about the Demon? Or posted good thoughts when I get depressed?) as well as offering help and hugs through the internet to those in depression. I have seen the power of the blog in getting information around. I have heard about others lives, from sick family members to loss of loved ones to work problems to depression to sex lives to a bra with a black hole in it. I have read of your triumphs and tragedys. I've enjoyed your stories and poems. You have made me laugh, cry, get angry, and feel comfortable and part of something special. I have found new music through you, new ideas, new movies, and new friends. So thank you, all of you. I hope, wheather you celibrate a holiday today or not, that you have a great day and that any and all problems stand aside for at least this one day so you can smile here along with me at thinking of all of us on this blog who have come to care about those who we've never even met. Or those we have. So put on some bunny ears, hop around the living room, eat chocolate till your stomach is sick, and know that I'm sending you a hug and a smile. Peace!

Happy Bunny Day

I hope everyone has a great bunny day (even if you don't celebrate it). Now go and act like bunnies...and I don't mean eat leafy vegatables.

Saturday, March 26, 2005


Damn. I work at a jewelry shop and one of the things we do is replace watch batteries. I have 2 dead items at home that use watch batteries. So I take them to work figuring that since thier dead I can just replace them. Of course we don't carry the batteries I need. Crap. Guess I'll have to wait till payday and hit a radio shack. Ug.

Friday, March 25, 2005


It was my friggin Norton firewall that was preventing me from getting onto all the Microsoft places. Guess it decided that microsoft sites are evil and dangerous. My dear Cuz figured it all out. YOU KICK A** CUZ!!! Thanks!

Cold 'Wasted Years'

There's a game life plays
makes you think you're everything they ever said you were
Like to take some time
Clear away everything I've planned

Was it love I betrayed
for the shape that I'm in
It's not hard to fail
it's not easy to win
did I drink too much
could I dissapear
and there's nothing that's left but wasted years
There's nothing left but wasted years

If I could change my life
Be a simple kind of man try to do the best I can
if I could take the sides
I'd derail every path I could
I'm about to die
won't you clear away from me give me strength to fly away

There's nothing left but wasted years

Was it love I betrayed
for the shape that I'm in
It's not hard to fail
it's not easy to win
did I drink too much
could I dissapear
and there's nothing that's left but wasted years
There's nothing left but wasted years

Tuesday, March 22, 2005


I've had this damn computer for a bout a month now and already I'm having problems. It says there a network cable disconnected but I've checked all my wires and they're all plugged in. But It won't let me on Hotmail, E-bay, Peoples bank, or yahoo messenger! Damn machine! I hate technology! At least I can still blog...unless Bloggers having problems! Why did I spend this money again? Anyone?

Hope everyones doing good and I'll try commenting tonight. Peace.

Sunday, March 20, 2005

2 Things

1. I miss Joy. I hope she gets back soon.

2. I can't tell any details, but it looks as if another of my pieces of heart will be leaving. I know this won't be the end of a friendship (although we do go long times between hugs even now), but I get paranoid when someone moves far away. I've lost too many to be comfortable with long distances.

Friday, March 18, 2005

Blog probs + trying to be a Gentleman in the face of Boobs.

Hey everyone, for some reason Blogger is being selective about who I can comment on. I am reading everyone's Blogs, I just can't get through to comment on most of them. Be patient, I will find a way. (I'll be damned if this damn computer can be more stubborn than I am!)

So I stopped by yesterday to visit someone I know in one of the other stores in my mall (BTW Happy Leprichan day to everyone!). She's a nice young lady who works at Perfumania who I've known for about 3 years now. We're not really friends, but we do visit each other when we can and I always get a hug. (when your in a closed enviroment like a mall you get to know people. Never been sure what to call them. Not quite friends bacause it;s not like you hang out or anything, but more than aquantences because you do kind of almost care about these people cause you've known them for so long). Well this time she was wearing a shirt that came down to almost her bellybutton. I mean, she's at least a high c-cup (not overly big, but definatly stuff there) and these were almost litterally falling out of her top. Now as most of my friends will tell you I can be as perverted as anyone on the planet, but normally I do try and act like a gentleman. So there I am talking to her while trying to mantain eye cantact. It was damn difficult to do. Of course while we're talking she's putting product out so she's bending over and stuff and jiggling all over the place. This shirt was so low and tight the top of her areoles were showing. I finally had to cut my visit much shorter than usual because I knew I was loosing the battle not to stare. So later that day someone we both know stops by and tells me that he'd been talking to her and she had been saying how sweet I am because I was the only person she talked to all day who didn't have thier eyes glued to her chest. So thank god she didn't catch on to how badly I was failing that test.
I have several friends who are quite busty, but I have a tendency to look at my friends as if they were family so I've learned how not to pay attention too much to thier physical side. Hell one of my friends used to get changed in front of my and so I had to get very good at not paying attention. But this girl isn't a friend so I've never built up that type of way of looking at her. But I guess I'm going to have to.

Sometimes being a gentleman is truly difficult.

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Tales of a glass eye

Well, I was changing a light bulb at work today and it exploded, showering me with glass and dust. I ended up at a clinic having my eye washed out with chemicals (or something) because I got glass in it. It's mostly ok now, but things still are a bit fuzzy. Such fun.

Got to see Bm&family last night. I missed them so. They still look great, despite everything. My heart stays with them.

Age creeps up on me once again. Why is it I feel so much older than I am? In the words of Garth "I'm much too young to feel this damn old."

Burfica, I'm glad you let me stop holding my breath. But I found out something interesting. Did you know you can't kill yourself by holding your breath? You pass out first, and once unconcious you start breathing again.

I got my Pyramid Collection catolog today. I so love it. Anyone who hasn't heard of it should go to to see some of the great stuff on there. No, I've never actually ordered anything, but Someday I will. Actually was going to buy stuff for Bm's Hottie from there last X-mas but it didn't work out. Maybe next year.

Hope everyone's doing great. Smile!

Sunday, March 13, 2005

Flashback story

I promised someone I'd tell this story. A while back I was atone of my cuz's houses along with her, her fiance, her brother:Gudamschlong, and his girl Innocent L. We had had dinner and were now on dessert, Donuts. From where I was sitting I couldn't really see Innocent L past Gundamschlong, until I heard her asking for a Donut. But from where I was sitting it looked like this adorable young lady was hidding behind the couch and just peeping her head up over the arm and saying "Do-Nut!" in a little girl like voice. I laughed until I couldn't breath. Now anytime were together all either of us has to do is say "Do-Nut' and we both crack up. I realize this is one of those "Had to be there' stories, but I promised I'd tell it.

Actually my cuz's are an endless source of amusement for me. At one of my Aunts houses I've gotten in the habit of collectiong things that have been said due to there randomness. Some of the best are:

From Spasm to his brother Big D:
You don't even work. If you were any lazier you'd be water.

From Big D to his Mom Frau Farbissina:
If I'm bad and I die do I have to live with you?

From Frau Farbissina to Eggmaster (A friend of Big D's who lived there for a while):
Well, there was that time you woke up and found me sniffing your underware.

From Spasm to Frau:
Why does everything involve you and yelling?

From Eggmaster to Frau:
People your age don't dance, they fall down and break thier hips.

From Eggmaster to Frau:
You should try goosestepping when you yell. It would feel more natural.

From Frau to everyone:
I'm going to sell you all to the circus and throw peanuts at you.

Needless to say, I spend a lot of time at my cuz's house, just for the endless laughs it provides. If any of this didn't make sense, sorry. It's late and I'm tired. Hope everyone had a good weekend.

Saturday, March 12, 2005

Let it end


Anyways, Woke from another crappy dream last night and sat up watching Shaun of the Dead with Zombie Commentary, which is where they have little facts go across the bottom of the screen telling you interesting facts about the movie. I like it, I like it alot.

That's bout it, nothing much to report or say this morning, just felt I hadn't put anything up recently and thought I should. I'll write more tonight. Hope everyone's having a better weekend than me. Peace.

Oh, and although h only had a few readers, does anyone know what happened to Angry Nice Guy? It says his blog is gone. I was having fun reading about his odd sex life. Anyone?

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Old friends, new friends, and Darko

Well today was interesting. Work sucked, as usual. But half way through the day one of Bm friends, Darko, walked in. But he wasn't alone, with him was our very own Bookend, author of It was a real pleasure to get to meet her, she's as nice and wonderful as she seems on her blog. We talked for a bit, and I got a hug, I love hugs. Hopefully I'll get to see her again and we can sit and talk outisde of this world of typewriters. Unless she got scared after seeing me. It was also nice to see Darko, I've known him through Bm for a few years now and hes an interesting peoples.
I went to dinner at Roe-Roe's tonight, had homemade enchiladas and peanut butter cup brownies. I almost feel bad thoiugh, every time I go they feed me and they never ask me to bring anything. One of these days I'm going to show up with a full dinner for them. But as always it was a lot of fun. Hopefully next week I'll finally get to spend some time with BM and family too. I miss them so much.

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

plans and past quirks

I'm sitting here and looking out the window at snow. It's coming down very fast and the wind is blowing hard enough to be rocking the trees. So far this weeks been a bust. I was supposed to go see some friends of mine yesterday, but they were sick so I didn't. Today I was supposed to pick up Babushka and go to Bm's house, but the Hottie and Little C are sick, and it started snowing so I didn't even go see Babushka. Pretty soon I'll have to go out to shovel in this crap because if I leave it it'll be twice as bad when I have to shovel in the morning. I hate snow. Yet I haven't moved out of the North East because all the people I love are here. My friend J$ in San Damn Diego called last night and was saying how it's in the lower 80's there. May he get a cold.

So I was going through old pictures (I am a camera hound and take pictures of everyone I can) and got to thinking about the little things people do that we may not even notice much, but that we miss and think of when they are gone. Kind of personal personality traits. Like how Heaven would go 'Grrrrr" sometimes. Not growl but actually say Grrrrr. Or how she'd roll her eyes when I'd compliment her. Or how the Demon would bite her bottom lip when she was nervous or excited. Egoman (a friend from collage) used to have such a dry sense of humor you wouldn't know he was joking til he started to laugh, then your brain would have to back up to figure out what was so funny. How Isis would walk with a shake to her hips that she swore she didn't have, or the smile that would come out so slowly when she though of something nasty. How my little Ant would explain things like she was giving a lecture. How Cowboy would laugh without making a noise, just have his whole body shaking. How the Genetic Freak would play with her bra when she was bored and then later not be able to figure out why it was all messed up. These are the things that helped give these people a distinction all there own. When I see others do these things it makes me think of my friends gone by.

Guess I'm just melancholy cause I was so excited I was getting to see people who I haven't gotten to hang with in a while, then had the plans snatched away. I so hate that. It's not that I'm not going to see them again, but I wanted to see them now! I miss them.

Oh well, time to go get the shovel......
(wanders off muttering to self about damn snow....)

Saturday, March 05, 2005

'Scars' Papa Roach

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
My scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain
And I can't help you fix yourself
You're making me insane
All I can say is

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you're drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last stand


I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
You shouldn't ever came around
Why don't you just go home?
Cause you're drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
And I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
But you didn't understand

Go fix yourself
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life

Friday, March 04, 2005

Songs for people

Ever had a song that reminds you of a specific person? I sure do. From important people to moments of my life, music has helped define my memories over the years, and a tune can make my mind wander back through the years and rememeber things both wonderful and sad. Some exaples are:

You've got a friend in me (Toy Story) Makes me think of my little Sis. A friend who should have been family.

Margaritaville (Jimmy Buffett) All the old New Haven group. From JA to Genetic Freak to M&M to Dw..., and all of our nights drinking.

Here Comes the Sun (Beatles) My Bro and I would sit and listen to this all night till the sun rose.

Love Me Tender (Elvis) I sometimes will do my Elvis impersination on Babushka's voice mail.

I'll melt with you (Mest) BM and the Hottie danced to this at thier wedding and it now always brings back memories of how damn happy they were that day.

Angel (Sarah Mclugghlin) The Demon used to sing this to me everytime it came on. Somewhere I have a tape of her singing it.

She Blinded me with Science (Thomas Dolby) The Ant used to run around the house yelling SCIENCE! as I would just sit and laugh at her

Love will Keep us Alive (Eagles) Isis, what else can I say. Now that we're apart it still brings me close to tears.

Fall Back Down (Rancid) Makes me think of all of you out there in Bloggerland. So many times now when things go bad your there to help me back on my feet.

I Want Out (Helloween) Back in High School Static made me a tape with this on it and it always makes me remember us in remidial gym class.

Just a Jigalo (David Lee Roth) Years of picking on my sisters boyfriend with this song and I can still make her laugh by singing it.

Pick-up Man (Joe Diffie) I can still see Cowboy Bob everytime this song plays.

Inmates (Alice Cooper) Yeah Ug, in the end we are stuck in a giant insane asylum called Earth and the inmates are running things.

Bat Out of Hell (Meatloaf) I danced and sang this with Roe-Roe at a valentines dance once. We knocked em dead that night sweetie.

Yes there's more, and I may print them someday, but it's late, and although I may not be able to sleep I still get fuzzy headed at night (And fuzzy faced all the time, hehehehe.)
So what songs make you think of someone?

Thursday, March 03, 2005

5 Questions

Okay here are the rules for this thing.
I'll offer to interview the next 3 (or so) people to respond to this post that will follow these rules.
1. Leave me (Azathoth) a comment saying "interview me"
2. I will respond by asking you 5 questions here (in my comment section of this post), they will be different from the one's below.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in your post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed you will ask them 5 questions.

My questions and answers from Burfica

1. Where did you get the name Azathoth, and what does it mean??
Ok, well Azathoth was a charector created by a writer named Howard Philip Lovecraft whom I love to read. He wrote horror/sci-fi books back in the 20's and is considered one of the best of all times. He crated his own pantheon of evil cosmic beings, and one of them was Azathoth the Blind Idiot God/the Deamon Sultan who sits in monsterous nuclear chaos at the center of the universe.

2. If you could choose one endangered species and save it which would it be and why??
Actually I'd go with the Tazmania Tiger. It was a very interesting animal that is believed to be either extinct or just on the verge because the last reliable report of one was about 4 years ago, although Tazmania has enough areas where a small population could be hididng, which would explain continued sightings of them by locals.

3. If you had enough money to buy absolutly anything you wanted but could only buy yourself one thing, what would it be??
I would buy the Willy Wonka Factory as shown in the movie Charlie and the Chocolate Factory , in Working condition. Think of all the fun and posibilities.

4. Which cartoon made you want to gouge your eyes out more. Smurfs or care bears??

5. Where would your all time dream vacation be and what would you do there??
Hmmm... One of 2 places, either Scotland or Bahamas. As to what I'd do, the same that anyone else would do HAVE LOTS OF SEX! Yes, it seems like a lot of time and trouble and traveling for sex, but what else would one do while on vacation? Oh I'm sure I'd look around alot, and buy stuff, and go swiming (Either in the ocean or in Loch Ness (Yea nessie!)), but in the end relaxation= Sex.

Hope you enjoy my answers and I'll quiz the first few people who ask me to. But only the first 3. And I'm not always good at making up questions, but I'll try.

Wednesday, March 02, 2005


I can't sleep anymore. Everytime I close my eyes I die. Night after night. Nigthmare after nightmare. Don't know why my mind wants me dead. I'm averaging less than 4 hours a night right now. I've tried nyquil, benadryl, valium, I've even stooped so low as to drink warm milk (yechh!). No go. Awake, lying in my bed alone, thinking about life and other crap. I need to find a way. I NEED sleep soon. So damn tired, but it won't come to me.