Friday, April 29, 2005

Time for Friday's Random 10!

Here's some for this Friday:

1. Bark At The Moon- Ozzy
2. Whiskey Lullabye- Allison Krauss and Brad Paisley
3. If She Don't Love You- Buffalo Club
4. Brandy- Looking Glass
5. Hurt- Johnny Cash
6. The I95 Asshole Song- August and the Spur of the Moment Band
7. Blister In The Sun- Violent Femmes
8. Winter- Tori Amos
9. Someday I Suppose- Mighty Mighty Bosstones
10. Love Me Tender- Elvis

2 extra just because it's been a long day:
1. Alchohol- Bare Naked Ladies
2. Fall Back Down- Rancid

Thursday, April 28, 2005

It's just life

I so don't want to go to work today. If I didn't need the money I'd call out dead. Didn't sleep for sh*t last night. No dreams, just kept waking up. Finally got out of bed at 4:30 cause I got sick of lying there trying to fall asleep. I've got a 9 hour day ahead of me. Ug. Also realized I have 2 weddings comming up in may and I haven't bought a gift for either yet. Mothers day is coming too. To top it I owe another $25 for a bachlor party ticket. I can't go to the party but I still need to buy the ticket. My boss has given her 2 week notice. Things are going to get even more hectic at work when she's gone. Of my co-workers only 1 is actually competent. The others are either lazy are just plain stupid. I need to get the hell out of there. Still not sure about the phone # from the other day. I'm not sure it was her, and I'm not sure I want to know if it was her. I"m not ready to deal with all that crap right now. I miss her, but even I have to admit every time she comes back she destroys my life. I also need to get a hold of some of my friends. I haven't talked to mostly anyone for a bit now. Every ones too busy, including me. But I want to go see BM& Family, I need to call Kells' Bells', Boston, J$, Bro, BS, Midget, and Roe-Roe. So much to do, so little time and energy. I was going to post last night, but by the time I finished commenting on everyone's blog I was ready for bed. I've also got to figure out when I can afford an oil change. I've been so good with this car and I don't want to screw up now. Also trying to plan my vacation. But's thats a post in itself. Not even sure if I'm going to get to go. But I do know I need to get going to work. I so need to win the lotto soon. Peace.

Sunday, April 24, 2005


I have no proof.
It's just a number on the caller ID. No message. Just a number.
But It's a number that has never shown up before. It's a number that's from Hamden. I only know 2 people who live in Hamden. One is my dear Kells Bells. It's not her number.
It could just be a wrong number. Maybe someone trying to call from someone else's house.
I have no proof. Yet I stoped breathing for a moment when I saw it. Yet I looked it up on Yet I have a bad feeling about it.
I have no proof.

Saturday, April 23, 2005

Farewell Kitten

Well, I came on this morning to do comments and maybe post before going to work. But as I started one of the first sites I hit was and Kittens latest post stopped me in my tracks. She has decided to stop blogging. Life has gotten to the point where she feels she's spending too much time here in bloggerland and so needs to step back. I understand, I really do, but that doesn't make it any easier to say goodbye to someone who I've enjoyed getting to know here on this comp. She was a great person with a bubbly personality. I will miss her alot. Best of luck to you Kitten, who knows eh? Maybe someday you'll get the chance to come back. Or even just to swing by now and then to comment a quick hi. But until then (and in case it doesn't happen) Goodbye my friend.

Friday, April 22, 2005

Friday random 10 again!

1. Sitting on a Fence- Rolling Stones
2. Pigs on the Wing pt.2- Pink Floyd
3. Aeriels-System of a Down
4. Ghost- Indigo Girls
5. How do you get that lonely- Blaine Larson
6.No Sleep Till Broklyn- Beastie Boys
7. Skateaway- Dire Straights
8. Killing in the Name of- Rage against the Machine
9. American Pie- Don Mclean
10. Postcards from Chimpanzees- Bare Naked Ladies

extra 2:
1. Worst Hangover Ever- Offspring
2. 6 Days on the Road- Sawyer Brown

Tuesday, April 19, 2005


Everyone hates being sick. But to be sick on 2 beautiful days like yesterday and today? Man it sucked. I was off yesterday and called out sick today. My little Babushka gave me her illness. Sore throat and snots and achiness. I hate it. Spent most of the last 2 days in bed. Gonna chug a bottle of nyquil tonight. uh. Had stuff I wanted to get done and I did none of it. No way I was dusting the Nick-nack shelves when I already couldn't breathe. Oh well, back to rest.

Monday, April 18, 2005

Re-run Movies

Every have one of those movies you can just watch again and again? Yet if you have some of them on DVD you never end up watching them? I always find it funny, I can like a movie; go out and buy it; watch it once; and then almost never watch the DVD again. An example is What Dreams May Come. I love the movie, yet once I had it on DVD I only watched it once. It's been on my shelf for almost a year now but I never watched it again. I don't know why. I have several movies like that. I own the special edition of Jaws, but I almost never put it on. Yet if I'm scanning the channels and come across it I'll sit and watch it on TV, commercials and all. It's wierd.
Yet there are some movies I put on again and again. Shaun Of The Dead is one of them. So is Princess Bride. Also Shawshank Redemption. I haven't figured out what the differance is between those movies I'll re-wind again and again and those I watch but once. They're all great movies (at least to me) yet Aliens I can watch 2x in a row while Hannible has been collecting dust since a week after I got it..
Maybe it's just me...

Friday, April 15, 2005

Friday Random 10

Ok I got this idea from and I like it. What you do is set you mp3 player to random and write down the first 10 songs it plays. Simple eh? Do it every Friday, just for fun. Here's mine:

1. Almost- Bowling For Soup
2. American Band- Grand Funk Railroad
3. The Thing That Should Not Be- Metallica
4. Here's a Quarter Call Someone Who Cares- Travis Tritt
5. Nowhere Fast- Meatloaf
6. Happy Phantom- Tori Amos
7. Get Over It- Eagles
8. War On Drugs- Bare Naked Ladies
9. Darkside- John Cafferty and The Beaver Brown Band
10. Downeastern Alexa- Billy Joel

So why not leave your lists on my comments?

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Another dream

Had an odd dream last night. In it I was at an old friends house (Ogre. He and I were friends for years, until he hit his girlfriend, Heaven, and I punched him out due to it. That was years ago. No contact since.) He had died in a car wreck and I was sitting watching his Mom cry. I had to help her go through all his stuff and get it ready to throw out. Very strange. This is someone I haven't thought of in several years (Hey Ug, it's the kid from the comic store, you should remember him). Not sure why he poped up in a dream or why he was dead. I so hate dreaming. I need to find some kind of dream supressant drug. Maybe then I could get a good nights sleep.

Monday, April 11, 2005

Losers with a blog

Acts 17:30-31 said...
God has appointed a day in which he will judge the world through His son, whom he has given proof of by raising Him from the dead. You are dead already. Say what you will, but you know it.

This was left as a comment on my last post. I personally find it quite funny. Several times now I have seen losers who are desperate for attention try leaving contriversial comments on others blogs in order to try to get people to go to their blogs. Instead of actually trying to intelligently comment and try and start a rapore, they instead just leave dumb and often pointless stuff, cluttering up others blogs with thier narrow minded crap. I find it sad. Poor Burfica had to deal with one of these idiots not too long ago. These folks need to find help, like professional type help. They obviously have no idea how to interact with others and must have some serious personal issues if this is the only way they can think of to get attention.

Well Acts, if I'm dead already, yet I'm still walking around, they that would mean I've come back from the dead and am the Son your refering to. You are one of those pathetic people who try and use the bible to your own sick twisted advatage. I do not fully believe in a diety, but due to having grown up with a born again christian as a dad I do know a bit of the bible. Jesus's message was one of love and unity. He wasn't judgement but redemtion, thats why he died for others sins. Love thy Neighbor? Sound familiar? Of course not. Your too busy sprouting off about how your one of the chosen ones. I may not like Jahova witnesses, but I've always admited they at least are using thier faith to try and save others, even if they are misguided they at least mean well. Morons like you just want to sit around and pat yourselves on the back for being holier than others and how your going to heaven because your so pure. You'd better hope that the Bible has it wrong, cause if not I'll be sitting right beside you in the flames. It would definatly make the time there more enjoyable being able to laugh at you through eternity. It's the same crap idea that the KKK and all those lovely Terrorist use when they call themselves the chosen of God and justify their stupid treatment of others. My advice is stop wasting time commenting on others blogs, or for that matter even writing one yourself. You need to go take a long hard look in the mirror and do something about the loser you are.

Hope everyones doing good and having a good week so far. Peace.

Sunday, April 10, 2005

Farewell to a driving companion

In my car I have a few of what I call my driving companions. The first ever was Boris, a hand puppet spider. He was part of a toy line from when I was young called Sectaurs. He's been in my cars since I started driving. I've even let friends barrow him when they went on vacation so he's been to more places than I have! The second is his older brother Spike. He's a furry spider that hangs from my back window. I also have the younger brother Damion, a wind up spider (he doesn't work anymore) who stays in my ash tray. I have an eyeball hanging from the other back window that glows red when you hit it. I have Sully from Monsters Inc. (when that movie frist came out my friend Midget called me up yelling "You have to see it! It's 2 hours of you and me! A little hyperactive guy and a big furry guy who are trying to protect a girl from harm!). I have a hair clip and a hair scrunchy (I used to have a thing about hair clips. When the Demon used to ride with me I got used to stealing anyhting she had to hold up her hair and keeping them in my car. After she left this last time I took all hers out, but still have a white clip from babushka and a purple scrunchy from isis. I lost the other one from my Lil Sis, will have to steal a new one from her.) The white clip also holds a Spork (Because you never know when you might need the worlds most usefull utensil!). I have a small toy decapitated head with chains screwed into the eyes. My nephews think it's the coolest thing ever.
And last summer I got Sticky Mouse. I was out with Isis getting something from dinner at Shaws in Middletown. On our way out they had those machines that you put in quarters and get stuff in little almost impossible to open. One of these had sticky bugs in it, on the front they showed a sticky purple spider. So I dug out $0.%0 and gave it a shot. What I got instead of the spider was Sticky Mouse. It was small, white, big ears, little sad eyes, and a red nose. I laughed about it, and decided to test it's stickyness. So as we left I stuck it to the hood of my car and decided to see how long it would take to fly off. 2hours later after driving at 50mph, Sticky Mouse was still there. I decided that he had proved himself to be one tough little bastard and took him and put him inside the car on the dashboard. All winter he freaked out almost everyone who touched him. It was great.
A few days ago when I got into my car I noticed that his ears wern't standing up right anymore. I tried to get them to but they stayed stuck to his head instead. I had a bad feeling about this. then today as I got out of work I saw that Sticky Mouse, that tough little bastard, had begun to melt. His right front and back paws had fused into a solid mass, his tail had begun to curl up, and his eyes were slowly drooping down his face. So tonight when I go home (I'm at Babushka and she is patiently waiting for me to get the hell off her comp) I will take him off the dashboard and give him a burial in the side yard (Yes I'm going to bury an inanimate object, So What! Leave me alone!). I will say ado to a great driving companion.
Sleep well Sticky Mouse, you did good and will be remembered, even if just by me.
(Now if I could just find another of those machines...)

Saturday, April 09, 2005

Sorry for sparse posts

Sorry I haven't been posting much this week. Work just switched back to being open till 9pm and guess who gets to close almost every night? I hate this because we don't even have anyone who can cover if I want a night off. So now I don' know when I'll get to Bm's for a while, or anywhere else for that matter. This sucks. I hate coming home from work and going straight to bed because I'm tired. I don't sleep well at night and when I get home at almost 10pm I bascially eat and go sleep.
Hope everyone's doing good and I'll write more when I'm not exhausted. Peace.

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Tuesday nights and darkness

While I was at work today one of her songs played. When I shut my eyes I could see her singing it. "Walk on the ocean, step on the stone, flesh becomes water, wood becomes bone". I know where she is right now. I could be there in 15 min. I could see her again. But I fight the urge, like I do every Tuesday night.
This has been a bad week so far. Out of 4 people I was supposed to see 3 of them fell through. Not thier fault. Life happens, I know that. But one of my co-workers juts had to be a prick and say "maybe they just don't want to hang with you". This is the nature of parinoia. I know it's not true. But the mind starts to work. See, one of the sad facts about me is I don't like myself much. The man I see in the mirror and I just don't get along. There is only one thing about myself I've ever been proud of. That;'s the fact that I make a good friend. It's the only thing I have ever believed completely. But the darkness comes and it makes me question it. If so many can walk away so easily then maybe it's because there not leaving anything worth having. I love my friends, and I know that they care about me. But I've heard so many times the words "I'll always be here and always care and always want you in my life". Always. It's a word so easy to say. Yet time and again those same people move on without me. With each of them they take a piece of my heart. Yes, I am a romantic and a (as Jay put it) mooshy person. I givemy heart easily and trust people completely. There are so many out there who carry pieces of my heart frther away with each passing day. The words they said meant nothing. The Demon has done it so many times over the last 14 years. Heaven left after 9 years of saying how much I meant to her and how she'd always love me. T just stopped talking to me one day for no reason, after all those years when I was just about her only friend. I invest so much of myself into people only for them to make me feel like I'm worthless. If I'm such a good friend and they care so much how can they just walk away? So I keep smiling even through the darkness. But it does show if you know what to look for. I gave up poetry, even though I was good enough to win a Hallmark contest to get one of my poems on a card (still have a copy of the card somewhere.). I gave up writing even though I had been published and had an editor call me the best young writer he had seen in years. I stopped drawing (this I wasn't too good at. But I enjoyed it). I eat too much, I've put on so much damn weight over the last year. Whats worse is I'm smart enough to know that I'm doing all this self-destructive stuff, but yet I still do it. I'll sit there eating something I know I shouldn't and in my head I'm yelling at myself to stop. I'll tell myself over and over I need to get exercise, but I don't do it. It's like I'm daring my body to explode. I made a promise so many years ago that I'd never end my own life, and I won't. I haven't heard that call in a long time now and I know in my heart I'm here till life's done with me. But I do dumb stuff that is slowly taking a toll on myself. Both body and heart. Sometimes I find myself wondering if I get hurt on purpose. Like some twisted payback upon myself. I don't know. I fell so damn old and worn out. Thin almost, like a rubber band streached too far. Hah, me thin, that'll be the day. Hell, I've come close once or twice on almost giving up this blog. Just signing on and deleting it. I enjoy comming on and reading everyone's stuff and hearing from people and everything. I love all of you, as if I haven't said that enough. Yet when the darkness comes it blocks out everything else. At one point I threw out all my photographs. I love my photos, but if my Dad hadn't found them when he went to take out the garbage and pull them out they'd all be gone now. It's like a part of me wants to just destroy my life. Destroy myself.

But I don't. Guess in some ways I'm just too damn stubborn. I don't know how to just give up sometimes. It's that small part of me that made me put down the bottle when I realized I was getting way too far down inside it. The part that makes me get up each morning and go to a job I hate. The part that calls people to stay in touch even when I haven't heard from them in a while and know that if I don't call they won't call me. The part that sends x-mas cards to all those who have walked away. The part that keeps those old promises. The part that stops me from punching the mirror when I see myself in it. The part that hopes maybe someday they'll come back, all of them.

Midget called me at work today. In the middle of talking, as he appoliogized for being so busy and not getting together for a while (not his fault, he manages a video game store), he thanked me for being such a good friend all these years. I told him not to mention it. Maybe instead I should have told him it's little things like that that help keep that small part of me alive. I don't do what I do for thanks, but sometimes it is nice to hear anyways.

Sunday, April 03, 2005

Has anyone heard from Joy?

Joy ( came back from vacation, posted a few times aboiut missing everyone and her lost truck, and now has dissapeared. Has anyone heard from her? I tried sending her an E-mail but it said the address I had was defunct. I'm getting worried.

Friday, April 01, 2005


Spent last night and this morning helping my little Sis move again. I have black and blues all up and down my arms, my legs are stiff, my back hurts, and my ribs are on fire. I think I'm getting too old for this. There's nothing they have that I can't life (including both of them if neccesary) but going up and down 3 flights of stairs for 2 hours as well as being pinned against the back of an elevator repeatedly have left me feeling old and sore. I so don't want to go to work tom. I just want to lie down and not get back up. Hope everyone has a great weekend. Or at least a better one than I will.