Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Ode to past relationships

They come and go
defining moments of my life
smiles and heataches
each with thier own feelings
each with thier own story

Love at the time
Love still once gone
not fading as they did
each a smile despite the endings
wishing them happiness
even if not with me
wishing to hold one more time
relive the good
forgive the end
remembering laughter
hugs and the feel
of thier bodies near mine
shared with them
all I am and will be

Future gone becoming
present turns to past
cannot see where we are
or where we will be
but glad of sharing the travel
and always smiling at thier thought
one last kiss not enough
to relive all the touches
but more than I deserve
hope a smile on them
when I come to mind

Thank you all for being
thank you for letting
thank you for loving
if only for a while
but in my heart


It's 4 in the afternoon on a sunny day. I just finished watching Lion King 1/2 with my Babushka. I'm going to see BM and his family in a little while for dinner and a movie. Right now all my worries and problems seem far away and life is good. Sometimes you just have to say screw the world and enjoy the moments you have. Be thankful, not to a diety or anything, just general thankfullness. I'm thankful for the sunshine, for the breeze, for my friends, for a day off, for hugs and kisses and cuddiling and sex and big boobies and nice butts, for my family, for food, for drinks, for Frank's Red Hot Sauce, for sleep, for so many things I can't think of right now. I am still partial to nighttime, but it's also good to sit in the light and look at the colors in the world. To reminise about good times and good people and make even more good memories as you go. It's 4:15 on a sunny day and I'm glad to be alive.

Wednesday, August 25, 2004


Oh we've all had some kind of wild thing that went through our lives and made them hell. Everyone's had one, you, me nobody likes to loose. And you know they're out there, laughing at you. I don't care if it was last week or third grade, someone broke your heart....what was thier name?

Sam Kinison 'Wildthing'

Tuesday, August 24, 2004


I just won my first ever game of Lord of the Rings Risk. I hate Risk and my cousins forced me to play and I beat all. This what comes of forcing me to do what I don't want to. Of course I still can't even come close to taking BM the Necessary Movement in Chess. He has brains and cunning to go along with his good looks and 6-pack abs. Damn Health nut. No wonder his wife drools when she looks at him. But The shaved Wookie will someday overcome all!

Time slips by

Back from Canada and it feels like I just left. Actually it almost feels like I never went. Why is it that time goes so damn fast. Looking back it seems like all the good times are gone and all I have left is work and stress. Why is it you don't realize while your doing something that you should stop and enjoy it because soon it will be just another memory in your already crowded mind. the things we laugh about and reminise about all seem so far away. Someday I need to try and invent a time machine so I can go back and do it all again. Well maybe not all of it. I'll skip the boring parts and the bad stuff and the annoying stuff. Just go back and relive the good. What my life needs is a Tivo so I can cut out the comercials and the crap and just rewatch what I want. As they say, if I could put time in a bottle....

Call me Ishmael, Damn you!

He didn't know which he dreaded more and thought again of Ismael, Ishmael rambling through the streets of Bedford, Massachusettes, stinking more of madness than whale oil, finally grabing some unlucky passerby and screaming Listen! I'm the only f*cking one left to tell you and so you better listen, damn you! You better listen if you don't want to be using this harpoon as a f*cking supository! I got a tale to tell, it's about this white f*cking whale and YOU'RE GOING TO LISTEN!

Stephen King 'Tommyknockers'

Thursday, August 19, 2004


It's windy today and the water is full of waves! I Love waves! Let others come to sit in the sun, I want to swim! I wish there was a good beach near where I live. I love swimming but never do it unless I'm up here. It's a shame because I'd love to see some of the people I know in bathing suits or bikinis. One friend even has elephant thongs to wear! I think people should wear bathing suits more often. Well, except me cause I need to loose wight, But everyone else that is! From Babushka to Jamaca to the K&B toystore and Little C to Heaven to Tay-Tai&Psycho to Midget&Wife to Gansta Bitch Barbi to Ug to Demon to Eggy to J$ to Bro to everyone (several people I don't have nicknames for and wouldn't want to use real names on this blog) they should all come with me to the beach and go swimming! Water rules! I need to get a Pool or something.

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

Bad Ju-Ju

Sometimes it gets hard when you get bad news to talk to people about it. I'm on vacation here in Canada and got some bad news through the internet and I have no one to talk to about it. I guess the Demon has moved in with her new boyfriend. I had been hoping she would come back into my life but I guess now that it's not going to happen for quite some time if at all. But even if I was at home who would I talk to? Most of my friends have heard so much about my ongoing drama with the Demon that I don't feel comfortable bringing it up around them anymore. Then there are others who I have a past/present relationships with and it feel awkward talking to them about it. So what do I do? Can't talk to family, they all hate her and don't understand why I still care about her or am hoping she'll come back. So I sit here trying to deal with things with no one to talk to. Several of my friend will say that I can talk to them but I feel bad because they've been hearing it for so long that it seems like all I do is talk about her. I guess I'll find a way to deal. I don't seem to have much choice. Funny thing is I know if she came back I'd go to her, but at this point for the first time in a long time I'm starting to hope she doesn't come back due to that very reason. I love her but I need time to heal and I'm scared of her coming back right now. To Quote a song : "Baby Baby Stay, Stay right where you are, I like it this way, It's good for my heart, I haven't felt like this in god knows how long, I know everythings going to be ok, if you just stay gone". Yet at the same time I do want her back. God sometimes I really hate being me.

Sunday, August 08, 2004

A quick thought

Purple looks good in orange.

Other sites

A few other sites that make me laugh: Joecartoon.com Newgrounds.com (check out the 'rise of the mushroom kingdom' series, also 'joe zombie', and anything by legendary frog.).and darwinawards.com shows us who we're glad we're not. Hope you all enjoy.


I've always been the type to give people gifts for no reason. I do make sure I try and give them stuff for the holidays, B-days, ect. But I don't always need reasons. If I see something I think someone would like I'll buy it if I have the money. Or if I know someone needs some I'll give them money. I try and be the one who pays for things whenever I go out with people. If I'm low I'll let others pay, but if I have the money I'm paying. It's just the way I am. I don't think much about it, I don't expect to be paid back either. I don't let people borrow money, if I have it I give it to them. Saves a lot of hassles. What I don't understand is why some of the people I buy for or give to seem to get all anal about it. They say they feel bad about taking it. But if they need it and I have it why shouldn't I give it to them? I don't do it to prove a point or be a dick about it, it's just I have something they need and I can spare it. Smile, accept it and move on. It's like buying gifts too. People get all squimish about me buying them things, whether it's something they need or just somehting they like. Money just doesn't mean as much to me as seeing them happy. I don't understand why this is such a big deal. If I can't afford it I won't offer. But don't expect me to sit by and know you need help and not give it if I can. Don't feel bad, don't act like you owe me anything, don't feel ashamed. Take it, give me a hug, and then drop the subject. Several people get wierded out if I buy them gifts. The Demon was great at being flustered by gifts. She'd go on and on about how I didn't need to buy her things and I would tell her what I tell everyone, I know I don't need to but I want to. Of course she'd accept the stuff I bought her. I've never had anyone refuse a gift (they try but I tell them if they don't take it I'll just throw it out. I'd never bring a gift I bought someone back.) Sometimes people try and pay me back. They don't suceed (I'm great at just sitting money down in thier house or putting in thier purse). They don't understand I don't give things expecting to get it back (except books). People think way too much about money. I know we can't live without it, but that doesn't mean it needs to be the most important thing in the world. That spot is already taken in my world by my friends and loved ones.


Am I the only one having problems getting into my Blog? Almost evertime I try and go to blogspot.com I end up at some wierd religious site. Then when I do get to Blogspot it won't let me into my blog unless I type my id & password at least 3 times. Whats up with that? It's kind of aggrivating. Oh well, it's a good thing I'm patient.

Thursday, August 05, 2004


Dreams getting worse. I miss when I didn't use to dream. So many nightmares. I can't go much longer on this little sleep. I hope Canada helps. Going from the 13th-22nd. Dreams of me dying, others dying, the Demon, Being alone, Stuff I don't understand at all, Wierd stuff. I laugh through horror movies and books because it's nothing compared to my dreams. I need to learn how to turn them off. Almost had an ulcer attack the other night from how freaked I was when I woke up. My mind is full of sh*t. I hate dreaming. Wish I could have happy dreams or even sex dreams, but no they're all nightmares. Can't count how many times and ways I've died. Closests I've had was a nice one of the Demon (one of many she's been in) and I woke up and realized it was a dream and felt like crap again. I think maybe I prefer when I die. At least it normally ends then (not always though). Maybe it's time to look at sleeping pills. So damn tired. Off to bed, say what I always say....Maybe not tonight.

Sunday, August 01, 2004

Fun site

If you have the time check out illwillpress.com Go to toons and watch some funny sh*t. My personal favorites are gas-e-pop, nuts to you, almost serious suicide, eye stigmata, foamy card cult, hypnotic foamy, and 5 more minutes. It's a good waste of brain cells. I am a card carrying member of the card cult. Let me know what you think. Peace.