WTF?!?!

Ok, am I the only one who's getting annoyed by all the spam comments that seem to have popped up out of no-where? Now everyone's being forced to have the word verification on to try and stop all the annoying crap. WTF? I swear it's a good thing I don't know alot about computers because I'd be doing my best to give the companys and individuals who set up this crap viruses.

On another note, my heart and hopes go out to all those hit by the hurricane. It so sucks. Now I'm waiting on several bloggers who live in and around the area to post again so I know they're ok. I hate waiting.

The Funniest Phone Call I've Ever Heard (My memories and stuff)

This one comes from back before I worked for Florshiem shoes. My then friend Goombah was the boss of the store and one of his employess left a message on his machine one night that he kept on there for over a year just because of how it sounded. I got the pleasure of hearing it and still have to laugh when I think of it today. Pictur the following being spoken by a frantic 6'5" 37 year old with a nasal voice: (fro the sake of the call Goombah's name will be shown as K... and the employees as J...)

"Eh K.., it's J... at the store. Umm... the computers not working K... and I don't know what to do. Um.. it's starting to smoke K..., there's smoke coming out of the computer K..., there's smoke everywhere, um.. lots of it,. Uh K... I can see flames inside the computer K..., the computers on fire, I don't know what to do. K... what should I do? The computers on fire, um.. wait...Theres the plug...I'm unplugging the computer, Um.. the fires going down....uh, um the fires out the smoke is starting to stop...um....um. K... this is J... at the store, the computers broke. Call me when you can."

Just a private joke between me and BM

Here's a Llama/ There's a Llama/ And another little Llama/ Fuzzy Llama/ Funny Llama/ Llama llama/ Duck/ Llama llama/ Cheesecake/ Llama/ Tablet/ Brick/ Potato/ Llama/ Llama llama/ Mushroom/ Llama/ Llama llama/ Duck/ I was once a treehouse/ I lived in a cake/ But I never saw the way/ The orange slayed the rake/ I was only three years dead/ But it told a tale/ And now listen little child/ To the safty rail/ Did you ever see a llama/ Kiss a llama/ On a llama/ Llama's llama/ Taste a llama/ Llama llama/ Duck/ Half a llama/ Twice a llama/ Not a llama/ Farmer/ Llama in a car/ Alarm a llama/ Llama/ Duck/Is that how's it's told now/ Is it all so old/ Is it made of lemon juice/ Doorknob/ Ankle/ Cold/ Now my song is getting thin/ I've run out of luck/ Time for me to retire/ And become a duck.

I was origionally thinking of trying to write the words to "Oats and Groats and Barley Notes", but you change those as you go so I settled for the Llama song by Burton Earmy. Hope you smile BM!

To everyone else, if you haven't heard this you just won't get it. Sorry, but some jokes are just private.

Onwards to purgatory

Ok: 8 hours tom. a double on Sunday, 8 hours Monday, and then back to back doubles Tues. and Wed. By the time Thursday rolls around I should be officially dead. My back still hasn't fully recovered from my last weeks schedual, and thats with 3 days off. I figure I'll need more than a cane by the time this next week is over. Yet I still can't afford to pay the co-pay to go to rehab. Heh. There comes a point when I just lower my head and get truly stubborn. I will not let this pain break me. This will be a full week, between training the new manager (yep thats been left to me. Our district is out sick.) on top of all the day to day running of the place I've been doing for the last 3 months, yet I still get crap pay. Retail sucks. But after all, my bills don't care if I'm a cripple.
Might not get on again his week, hope everyone's ok. For those of you who I know are going through a rough time, I have finnaly put up an e-mail contact address in my profile, feel free to drop a line directly to me if there's anything I can do. To everyone else, I'll drop in when I can. Peace.

3 Am

It's 3 Am (in case the title didn't clue you in) and here I sit in front of this comp wide awake. I fell asleep at about 9 and got 6 hours of sleep in tonight, it's almost a record for me. But now I'm here and no one else is up. Sometimes I hate this time in the morning, nothing on TV and my thoughts start getting wierd or depressed. Should have brought some beer home from Kells Bells who I visited today. Also left her my Bacardi, damn! So no alchohol and no sleep. Was in Hamden today (it's where Kells lives) and also where the Demon lives and her sister works. Actually ended up driving by her sisters work before I knew it (knew where she worked but not where it was located, then while driving I look to my right and am like "oh, there's Cingular where Eggy works", which of course got me thinking about her and her sister. Damn mind.).
So I went for a quick night walk. I always loved walking at night. You get that almost spooky feeling like there's stuff moving just beyond your field of vision, or that there's no on else alive in the world but you. Had a strange cat come out and just walk beside me for a while, wierd. Almost feel like heading down to the Staven beach, but I need to conserve gas and that's a 30 min drive. So I came on and went blog commenting, a thing I've been laxx of late due to work. When you pull 3 12 hour days within 4 days of work you don't have the mental copacity to read or write I've found. My back hates me. But thats ok because I'm not it's biggest fan either.
Myab I'll go readsome Stephen King or watch House on Haunted Hill. Anything for a laugh. Hope everyone's doing good out there.

Coming Soon to a Bookstore Near You!

The most eagerly awaited sequel of our lifetimes:

The Bible Pt.2
God Speaks Out

After almost 2 millenium of waiting, God has writen the follow up to the best selling book in history, The Bible.

"I was getting disgusted with how people were misinterpeting my words and decided it was time to lay things on the line"-God

In this amazing book God drops all the parables and stories and lays it all out plainly!

"This changes everything! We had no idea."-Pope Benedict XVI

He tackles the tough issues of the day like:
Abortion- "If you don't want kids don't have sex!"
Death Penalty- "Thou Shalt Not Kill is as blunt as I could put it, it doesn't change just because it's done by commitee!"
Homosexuality- "I gave people the ability to love, who they decide to love is up to them. That's the beauty of free will"
The Davinci Code- "It's a great book, but it belongs in the fiction section."

"It put me back on the straight and narrow!"- James Baker

From the 10 commandments (What Part Of Thou Shall Not Confused You? Chapter 6) to creation (Guess What? Your All Monkey At Heart. Chapter 12) God leaves no stone unturned. He talks about other Biblical Icons:

Jesus: "A common misconception is that Jesus is my son. Actually Jesus is a part of me made mortal. I lived a full human life and died by your hands to show that I wasn't above it all. From Mary in the manger, to my marriage to Mary Magdalene, to Judas screwing me and ending up on the cross. I wouldn't change it for the world."
The Devil: "People think Lucifer is rulling hell, WRONG! He was put in Hell to pay for his sins, not to watch over it. All the bad people do has nothing to do with him, he takes no credit for it at all and blaming him for things you've done is crap. He's suffering there, not tempting anyone."
Hell: "When folks think of Hell they think of fire and brimstone. But what harm can fire do to a soul? None. Hell is a place you go to learn to repent. You stay there till you truly feel sorry for what you've done and ask my forgiveness. You don't burn, what you do is relive all the bad emotions and heartaches you've caused to other people in your life, experiancing thier pain over and over."
Moses- "I liked Moses, he was really a nice guy and very dedicated. But near the end he strated to get a bit power hungry and needed to be taken down a peg."

"One of the scariest books I've ever read, I Shit my pants!"-Steven King

Read Gods words right from his own pen. He leaves nothing out this time, including his thoughts on religions, war, governments, and pollution. He cuts it down to the bone this time.

"After the Flood I promised I would never destroy the world by water again. What people don't understand is that I have a million other ways to clean the slate if they don't shape up. From asteroids and meteors to fire and plague I could get it back down to a handful of believers any time I wanted to. But at the rate you're messing the world up with pollution I may not have to do a thing."-God

Read Gods take on other major religious books like the Koran or the Book Of Mormons. See which religions he endorses and which he crusifies. From Christianity, to Muslum, to Jewism, to Paganism, to the Curch of Jesus Christ and the Latter Day Saints, to Penticostals, to Born Again Christians, to Cathalasisim:

"The Catholic Church loves to condem things other religions do, but what about some of the skeletons in thier own Vatican?"-God

"5 Stars" says the Times "For the sake of your soul you won't be able to put it down!"

He even touches upon major parts of history:

Dinosaurs- "I wasn't sure what I wanted to do with the world yet so I played around a little. But it became obvious that big lizards wern't the way to go. I do admit I had fun coming up with Stegasaurus though. I just loved those big plates on it's back."
Sodom and Gamorah- "I am as patient as I can be, but when there's folks making statues of me and then crapping on them I get ticked. I warned them and they didn't listen so I put my foot down, literally!"
The Holocaust- "I broke my heart watching what was happening, but I learned long ago that I needed to keep out of it all and stop with the big miracles. If you interfere one time people expect it every time. Mankind has to learn to do what's right by itself."
911- "I'll admit, I broke my rule of staying out of it this time. While I do my best to let life happen as it was meant to, knowing that the Twin Towers were to be hit I steped in and changed the path of the other 2 planes. I helped give courage to the passengers of the flight United 93 that let them force the plane down in the field, and I made sure American Airlines 77 hit where it would do the least amount of damage, in a closed for repair section of the Pentagon building. I had to let history run it's course, and that meant letting the folks in the airplanes die, but that doesn't mean I didn't do anything."

So get off your praying knees and head to your local bookstore for the most eagerly awaited book since the last Harry Potter novel (Which God also covers: "I love Snape, he's just so good at being arrogant! Bless you JK Rowling!")! Buy it today!

(Ok, a quick word. I don't mean to piss anyone off with this, and if I did so I appologize. I was having a conversation with Babushka and complaing about how if the Bible is God's book why did he make it so vague that we end up with thousands of differant religions all interpeting it in differant ways and killing each other over it? Why couldn't it just be plain and simple. The I got the idea of a sequal to it and couldn't stop laughing. While I don't believe in it all, I don't mean to crap on anyone elses beliefs. Most of this doesn't express my beliefs, heck I don't even believe in a diety, and if I wrote something you don't agree with forgive me. Just remember, if there is a God he has a sense of humor so why shouldn't you? After all he did create the Platypus.)

How long for death calls?

I was talking to one of my co-workers today and she asked the question: "If you died how would the people in your life find out about it?" Being of the mindset I've been in I decided to take this question seriously and think about the answer.
So saying I died tomarrow on the way to work, well firstly the police would contact my family. That covers a whole chunk of the people in my life because knowing my family the news would spread out to even those far away within a few hours. Work would also know quickly enough, and it would spread around those friends I have in the Mall. But what of my other friends?

Well My parents have 2 numbers, Ms. C (My Bro's Mom) and Babushka.
Mrs. C would let my Bro in bOregon and his whole family know, and Bro would contact J$ in San Damn Diego. J$ would pass the word to Mr. Bri.

Babushka has the nubers of my Lil Sis, BM&family, and Midget&Amazonia.
Sis would have Kell's Bell's Number, who in turn would have Isis&Ant's number.
Midget would contact Eric Clapton, Brenenenena, Bald God, and Ug in Maine (I think).
Bm would let the Clinton Crew know(even though I haven't spent time with them in a while I still count Rev. Mad Duck, AJ, Ms. Marvel and Mulletkiller as friends). I also believe BM would post about it on his blog, and being the genius that he is (The boys awsome at chess, trivial pursuit, and Jeopardy) he'd go down the blog links at my site and comment on them all to pass the news since not all of them go to his site.

One of my Cuz's worked with Heaven and knows of our friendship and history so he'd probably contact her, although at this point I'm not sure what her reaction would be.

A few of my other friends have a tendency to call me if they haven't heard from me in a while.
Thats how Mrs. McG would find out, and she'd let the Demon and her family know. (knowing her she'd go to the Demons work personally to tell her, although once again I'm not sure what the response would be to the news.) .
Others who would call are Boston, Roe-Roe, and M&M&M (and she'd let Egoman know).

That just leaves a few who I only contact through E-mail these days, like EFFXB and Vinster. They just would never know, assuming I just lost track of them or wasn't on the internet anymore...

So all in all the majority of my loved ones would know right away, and the rest mostly within a months time. How many would be at my funeral is anyone's guess. Even some of my closest have said they're not sure they could go.
But at least my old worry that no one would find out is mostly put to rest. Mostly....

I hate being parinoid almost as much as I hate being depressed and almost as much as I hate being me sometimes.

Mental changes

I hate how my mind works sometimes. Spent 11 hours at work, depressed and sore once the drugs wore off (can only take 1 pill in morning, 1 in evening, so if they wear off early I'm screwed.). So at the end of the day Midget calls and asks me over. I force myself to accept, it's not that I don't want to see him it's just my mind is in the pits and wants to be anti-social and is pissed I won't let it. So I go over and spend time with Midget, his foance Amazonia, and his brother Dwarf. While I'm there with them I'm fine. In pain but laughing and smiling and enjoying the company. Midget catches me up to date on video game goings on, Amazonia tells me how wierd it is doing the food shopping over the computer thing, and then we watch the second to last episode of "Six Feet Under". I have fun, they even buy me dinner (which my brain is screaming at me for now "you broke a** loser you couldn't even buy chinese food"). I say farewell at 10, I even get a booby rub hug from Amazonia (This is a joke actually. I love Midget, but one of his few major issues is a really huge jealous streak. Don't get me wrong, he has history supporting this issue of his, but if he ever really though his fiance was purposly rubbing her tits against someone else he'd probably pull a shotgun out of his a** and shoot everyone in range.)
Within ten minutes of leaving however, my mind is backat trying to convince me to give up. It's talking about how far all of my friends have gotten in thier lives while I'm a broken down disgrace. So many of my friends own houses or condos, have kids, decent jobs, married, while here I sit broke and broken. Can't afford to to rehab for my back because I don't have enough money to pay the co-pay. Am too twitchy to even think of surgery (I was stabbed in the leg once and now flip if anyone comes near me with a knife/scalple/sharp instrument ect.). So now I sit in this empty house and have to take my drugs so I can try and sleep. Don't know why my mind can be fine while I'm with people but kaka when alone, maybe it's just because I don't like my company.
I'm such a waste.

Warrenty has expired

Arthritis in my back, a pinched nerve, 3 slipped discs, and narrowing of the spine. I have to go to rehab and talk to a nurosurgeon about possible surgery. I HATE DOCTORS. I'm on Vikoden for the pain. I suck at taking drugs. Driving into a tree would be so much simpler than all this shit.

Medic

I finally broke down, sucumbed to the pain and went to the doctors today. They arn't sure if I have a pinched nerve or a slipped disc, so on Thursday I get to go have an MRI done. I hate doctors. This pain on top of the depression I've been battling just sucks. My body seems to have decided to brake down just to make me feel even more convinced of the pointlessness of all of this. Ug. Someone needs to just take me out back and shoot me.

Having one of those nights

I've started writing this post 4 times now. I hate when I get like this. Feel like just giving the f*ck up. So damn sick of all of the crap, the day to day life. What good does it ever do? We all die in the end anyways, in time no one remembers us. We end up as a fading name on a tombstone or crumbling pictures in an album. Nothing I have done in my life will live past me, and I have no urge to change that. I'm just taking up space.

Mighty Mighty Bosstones "Someday I Suppose"

There was a place
and the name of the place escapes me
When I can't remember
it irritates me
Could be I can't remember
could be I choose to not
Let's move along the song
and try to find the plot

There was a girl
and I don't know her name either
She gave me love
and I said I'd never leave her
If I did
I'd come back someday and find her
Maybe I will
I should write down a reminder

One day!
one day who knows?
Someday!
someday I suppose

There was a verse
that I was gonna write
I haven't yet
but there's still a chance I might
An open book
that I still want to close
I'll find the time
someday I suppose

A place and time,
I wanna be and spend
a storyline
That's happy in the end

Plans are made with promises so certainly uncertain
I can't wait to set things straight before they close the curtain

One day!
one day who knows?
Someday!
someday I suppose

The more I sort it out
the more it gets distorted
I sort of think I'm better off just leaving it unsorted
The more I try to change its course
the more off course it goes
Of course I'll reach my destination
someday I suppose

Sort it out,
get distorted
one day who knows
Hide behind,
unreported
someday I suppose